AGES ago, and by that I mean YEARS, some Christmas I was struck by all the Christmas cards depicting the whole lion-lying-down-with-the-lamb thingie. Which is all very well and good. But every time I see one of those, I am reminded of the amusing Woody Allen quote: "The lion and the lamb may lie down together, but the lamb won't get much sleep."

So at some point I decided to paint my OWN lion and lamb card, to illustrate the Woody Allen quote. But when I was done, I found that--while I like him (much better than the lion, by the way; the lion kinda sucks)--my lamb did not look at all frightened, and hence he did not really depict worried insomnia at all. So instead I ended up captioning it with another sheep-inspired truism that I felt DID capture the essence of Mojo's Little Lamb:  MORE Mojo! »

So the other day I was having lunch with my delightful Favorite Parental Units, and my sainted-though-sheep-stealing Favorite Mother (I will relay the sheep-stealing anecdote for you tomorrow, provided you VOTE FOR ME today as well as every day all next week) eventually broached the subject of me actually GETTING this Sam-e job. Mom assured me--as only a loving mother can--that she was indeed voting for me EVERY SINGLE DAY as she had been instructed.  MORE Mojo! »

...especially the BABY BORDER COLLIE the Sheep Expert at the Lieberry recently got. He comes to the library nearly all the time, and he is just adorable....

Happiness, on the other hand, is NOT being tailgated at 75 miles an hour by some late-teens early-twenties bimbo driving what is probably Daddy's car with a cigarette in one hand and a cell phone in the other. Literally, if I were standing on my bumper I could have stepped over to her hood. At 75 miles an hour. With both hands full of nasty habits, leaving none to actually steer. Where's Darwin when ya need him?

Granted, Mojo is not saint, seeing how she herself was going 75 to begin with, but while she may drive fast she's usually quite safe. If you don't believe me, check out my driving record at the DMV. Only one accident--and that was when a kid T-boned me while I was sitting at a red light. In my brand new Tacoma. Honest. Only a thousand miles on it. My first new car in over fifteen years. Broke my mighty heart.

When she finally passed me (in a no-passing zone, natch!) I was informed by her bumper sticker that "LOVE is the Answer". So there ya have it. You're welcome.

Mojo

So Mojo's been thinking lately of building a coop and getting chickens again. She's been thinking about it since she moved up here, so it's really been almost ten years of thinking about it, which means, in Mojo's world, it's almost time to maybe do something about it.

Mojo's bird of choice back when she had chickens were Rhode Island Reds, a dual-purpose bird who has the added bonus of being rather pretty, which is of course all-important. Plus you can say the name while stammering like Foghorn Leghorn--"Rhode Island, I say, Rhode IIIIsland Reeeeed"--when telling people what kind of chickens they are. Not that anyone cares other than other chicken people. Most people seem totally oblivious to the simple fact that there are breeds of chickens and not just "chickens". Say La Vee.  MORE Mojo! »

So I was chauffering a five-year old around the other day, and in an effort to stop the "guess what?" questions I pointed out the window at a field we were passing and said, "Look, llamas!"

"What?"

"Llamas." Because as we all know, every moment spent with Mojo is an educational moment. "Llamas kind of look like really big sheep, only they have long legs and long necks. They're related to camels."

"Why are they called llamas?"

"Um, I don't know. Because that's their name."

"But why?"

"Um, well, why do we call dogs dogs?"

A moment's thought. And then "Because that's their name?"  MORE Mojo! »

Mojo's Favorite Mother's Sheep Collection, Volume 4

Puffy Fabric Sheep!

Mojo's Favorite Mother also used to collect sheep. Not anymore. At least, this is what I gather, since she has given me a huge box full of things she once collected and now wants to get rid of. When I ask her why all she says is "I'm throwing things away." Mojo likes to think that it is her own influence, simplifying her life through the Craptacular, now rubbing off on her loved ones. But there is also the nagging suspicion that her Favorite Mother has just found an excuse to send her boxes of crap. Which is it? Only time--or an irate phone call from her mother yelling at Mojo for something she said about her on the Craptacular--will tell.  MORE Mojo! »

Mojo's Favorite Mother's Sheep Collection, Volume 3

Bean Bag Easter Sheep!

Mojo's Favorite Mother also used to collect sheep. Not anymore. At least, this is what I gather, since she has given me a huge box full of things she once collected and now wants to get rid of. When I ask her why all she says is "I'm throwing things away." Mojo likes to think that it is her own influence, simplifying her life through the Craptacular, now rubbing off on her loved ones. But there is also the nagging suspicion that her Favorite Mother has just found an excuse to send her boxes of crap. Which is it? Only time--or an irate phone call from her mother yelling at Mojo for something she said about her on the Craptacular--will tell.  MORE Mojo! »

Mojo's Favorite Mother's Sheep Collection, Volume 1

Sheep Pot Holders!

Mojo's Favorite Mother also used to collect sheep. Not anymore. At least, this is what I gather, since she has given me a huge box full of things she once collected and now wants to get rid of. When I ask her why all she says is "I'm throwing things away." Mojo likes to think that it is her own influence, simplifying her life through the Craptacular, now rubbing off on her loved ones. But there is also the nagging suspicion that her Favorite Mother has just found an excuse to send her boxes of crap. Which is it? Only time--or an irate phone call from her mother yelling at Mojo for something she said about her on the Craptacular--will tell.  MORE Mojo! »

Yep, it's the full spectrum of life here on the Craptacular! If you missed the wolves, they're here. And now for a swing in the opposite direction. The Sheep Expert has needed to rearrange work twice in two weeks using the feeble excuse that her ewes were lambing. So to check up on the story we went this weekend to see the little tykes....  MORE Mojo! »