I got so wrapped up in complaining about the beastly little chipmunk I forgot about my walking out of a movie this weekend and hence forgot about what I was GOING to write about, which was the OTHER movies I saw and did NOT walk out on this past weekend. Well, not including the made-for-television The Incredible Hulk DVD that SOMEONE got my Favorite Husband for Christmas. I forget who, mercifully for them, although I suspect it was my Favorite Brother as a Cruel Joke At My Expense.  MORE Mojo! »

One of Mojo's endearing habits is to try to mold the world to fit her particular vision, silly fool that she is. And perhaps there is no better illustration of this tilting at windmills than Mojo's solitary campaign against those who "just stop by" without calling first.  MORE Mojo! »

I will preface this with a story filled with irony. One of the reasons why I had not seen this movie up until now is because there is a young person--by young I mean somewhere in their mid-twenties--who moved back home, jobless and friendless, to sponge off of their well-intentioned and loving parental units, who let said young person lay about the house rent-free, eating their food and assuming no responsibility for their lives. To each his own.  MORE Mojo! »

...and in one piece!

Yes, your vigil may end. Mojo has returned relatively unscathed, knock wood. Some people come back from vacation all refreshed and ready for work. Mojo comes back utterly exhausted from all the things she has crammed into it.  MORE Mojo! »

Still flush with my apparent ability to break the law with the sale of my bear bottles, Mojo pushes the envelope of legality yet again with this little number! What! a shocked nation exclaims. Who shall our children look up to as a role model if Mojo turns to a Life of Crime? Rest assured, gentle Craptacular reader, that Mojo does not make a habit of trading in illegal goods and services. But the story behind this was Craptacular enough that Mojo is willing--this ONE time--to overlook some of those pesky moral questions in her quest to entertain the masses. That's you. So if I wind up in jail, clearly it's ALL YOUR FAULT.  MORE Mojo! »

I will preface this, for those arriving late, by restating Mojo's Rule of Celebrity, which goes as follows: While there are sometimes exceptions, it's a fairly safe bet that a celebrity on television did NOT assume their celebrity through being really really smart. Talented, maybe; lucky, certainly, but smart? I doubt it. Smart people recognize the odds and try something more steady and/or lucrative. Because for every one celebrity out there, rest assured there are another hundred thousand who didn't make it, and are just as "talented" and would probably do the job for far less if given the chance. The competition for celebrityhood is extreme, and who wants to wade through all that? No one in their right mind, that's for sure.  MORE Mojo! »

Mojo's Island Vacation Week!

Yep, Mojo's theme this week is any of those lovely tropical islands people vacation on. Not that I would know what I'm talking about. Being the proud stick-in-the-mud that she is, Mojo has never been to any of them. Yet ironically her house is filled with tourist crap like what you'll see this week. I guess there's no need to actually spend the thousands of dollars on such a vacation when you can just buy some crap on eBay and pretend you went!  MORE Mojo! »

Who doesn't like kids, huh? And who doesn't want their kids to grow up to be creative, precocious, obnoxious little geniuses like our beloved Mojo?

When Mojo was a child it was just occurring to a bunch of hippies that they could mold and twist young minds as one might shape a lump of Play-doh, and thus destroy the Establishment from within. There were no magnet schools or "gifted" programs as there were when my Favorite Younger Sister attended school. No, when they were not traumatizing me with the Junior Fire Marshall program ("if you don't make your parents get rid of that half-used quart paint can in your garage, rest assured you will BURN TO DEATH IN YOUR BED!"), I was subject to all manner of psychological experiments, like the infamous Open Classroom of Third Grade, a la the famous/infamous "Summerhill" program over in England. During our Open Classroom, we were allowed to skip about the room and do what we wanted for a year.  MORE Mojo! »

Leaf Dishy-Plate Ceramic Thingamabobs—set of four!

When I was a kid smoking was socially acceptable. There were commercials on TV with catchy jingles. Even my mother, who was (and I assume still is) a virulent non-smoker, had ashtrays all over the house when we were growing up. While I share my mother's virulence, I don't think I have a single ashtray in the house. People can smoke outside, I figure. Once we had a guy work on the house who was a smoker and while he did good work it drove me nuts picking up all the butts around the house for MONTHS. He just flung them into the lawn. If you are ever invited over my house (and most assuredly you will NOT be; this is a hypothetical situation to make me appear friendlier than I actually am) do NOT do this. I probably will not say anything, because I am very Well-Bred and Polite, but rest assured I will be TOTALLY ANNOYED after you are gone.  MORE Mojo! »

When I was a kid smoking was socially acceptable. There were commercials on TV with catchy jingles. Even my mother, who was (and I assume still is) a virulent non-smoker, had ashtrays all over the house. While I share my mother's virulence, I don't think I have a single ashtray in the house. People can smoke outside, I figure. Once we had a guy work on the house who was a smoker and while he did good work it drove me nuts picking up all the butts around the house for MONTHS. He just flung them in the lawn. If you are ever invited over my house (and most assuredly you will NOT be; this is a hypothetical situation to make me appear friendlier than I actually am) do NOT do this. I probably will not say anything, but rest assured I will be TOTALLY ANNOYED after you are gone.  MORE Mojo! »