If you wish to incite a mob to run around screaming and waving their hands in the air instead of doing something constructive and reasonable (or at the very least somewhat slightly thought-out), it is important to use the proper terminology. Here are some panic-inducing lurking-demonic-bogey-man phrases American leaders have found helpful in their quest to channel the milling populace to their will through the decades. Sprinkle them freely throughout your written or verbal exchanges, and then stand back so you won't be trampled by the ensuing horde of screaming, arm-waving nitwits...nitwits you may then command to do your bidding, so long as you're loud enough and they don't stop to think too much.  MORE Mojo! »

More of Mom's Plaques Foisted Upon Us!

No, Mojo's Favorite Mother did not paint these. Either they were purchased or just given to her as gifts. And after keeping them for however many years she has kept them, she now feels the need to part with them. Why now? Sigh. I don't know. Mothers can be inscrutable that way. I discovered a long time ago you are far better off just nodding and smiling at them and occasionally grunting "uh-huh" if there is too much blank space. But you DO have to pay attention somewhat, or before you know it you have volunteered yourself for some charity service near and dear to Mom's heart. And you just KNOW when your mother says "Really, it's just this tiny little bit--you'll be in and out of there within an hour" you have just destroyed an entire day, and possibly the day before, helping to set up and heaven only knows what else. And while you're doing that of course there will be some sort of crisis and everyone will be throwing their hands in the air and while Mojo is going along with the crowd saying, "Man, that's too bad" you will hear that chirpy motherly voice you know so well saying "Wait a minute! MOJO has a pickup truck! We can have MOJO drive over and pick the stuff up and deliver it here! You'll do that, won't you, honey?" and everyone starts smiling and thanking you while you just stand there wondering what happened. Because one moment you have a feather duster in your hands and the next thing you know you are lugging cinderblocks with some fellow you don't even know, who has so obviously gone to the Tow Truck Driver's School of Weirdness and who seems utterly determined to scratch your poor little truck's paint job. But I digress.  MORE Mojo! »