So Mojo has sadly resigned herself to the fact that the Evil V will never, ever EVER give her DSL internet.

Mojo is okay with reality. She doesn't spend too much time moping or wishing things were different or droning endless affirmations reflecting how she would like her life to be under the delusion that doing so will somehow change things. She is happy enough with her MiFi, and for any HUGE uploads she goes visiting other people under the pretense that she likes them, when really she just wants to jump on their wireless to upload another pointless YouTube video. It's what she calls a "social life".

But after hearing a happy tale from a luckier person (who we suspect is just throwing her extreme internet happiness in Mojo's face, but once again whatcha gonna do), she thought she'd see if Evil V's competitor, AT&T, might be willing to supply home phone and internet. So she goes to AT&T's site and plugs in her address to see if any form of high speed internet is available in her area.  MORE Mojo! »

THERE, now! You SEE why Mojo reads her Mary Worth every day? Of course, I suppose it might not be so funny if you haven't been following the story this past month or so. A story, like so many of them lately, that has nothing whatsoever to do with Mary Worth, yet they plug her at the end so we remember who's the actual star of the comic strip. Besides, when one is in love, and finally reunited with one's object d'affection after years and YEARS and YEARS of separation, it is only right that one thinks of the elderly biddy who once talked to you in a diner while you brought her coffee.

It's like, Mojo has been married for over twenty years, okay? And unlike those unfortunates who get bored or angry or whatever, Mojo remains vibrantly and stupidly in luv with her Favorite Husband, at least thus far. And I can't help but suspect that one of the clues to this revolting sort of storybook happiness is, when I tell my Favorite Husband I love him, usually (usually, mind you!) I am not also privately thinking, "I love chocolate chip cookies, too!" Nor do I receive a thank-you hug from said Favorite Husband, only to turn to the camera behind his back, a la Television Commercial Wife, to whisper, "...and thank YOU, Aunt Jemima!" Because that behavior, to Mojo's Stodgy and Old-Fashioned Way of Thinking, indicates that your heart really isn't in The Moment, is it.

Not that there's anything wrong with chocolate chip cookies. I've forgotten where I'm going with this one. Have a good weekend, anyway!

Mojo

Just a brief note to point out that today marks the sixth anniversary of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts' decision to allow same-sex couples to wed. Which has always made the happily-married Mojo that little bit extra happy, thinking that ALL of her friends who choose to can share in the happiness she enjoys. (Above and beyond all the legal and human rights and treating-everyone-equally ramifications, don'tcha know.)

Some of this uncharacteristic soppiness probably comes from not enough sleep after celebrating my Favorite Parents' recent renewal of their own wedding vows, which took place nearly 52 years ago come June 8. But Mojo feels the need to remind ALL of her friends--gay, straight, transgendered, whatever--that you are indeed loved. Okay, so maybe it's just Mojo love, which--let's face it--won't even get you a cuppa coffee out there in the cruel, cold world. But at least you have ONE grumpy, muttering, wild-eyed person in your corner. Besides, you can always pretend you don't know me. I understand.

Mojo  MORE Mojo! »

Every year my Favorite Brother does the AIDS Walk New York, aka "AWNY". He estimates, in the 10+ years he's been walking, he has raised around $20,000 for the cause. Not too shabby for a ne'er-do-well relative of the Queen of Ne'er-do-wells!  MORE Mojo! »

Yep, today marks eighteen years of wedded bliss. Not that we're doing anything special. Just marking it on the blog so that people can send me lavish gifts.

Every time I think about any sort of anniversary I am reminded of, back when I was a teen, the minister of our church marked some sort of ministerial milestone--I think it was his 25th anniversary with the church. And there was a party in the big get-together hall, and all the Sunday School kids had drawn up all these crayon-colored posters to commemorate the Big Event. And the one big one that I will never forget is some second or third grader writing something along the lines of, "Happy 25th Anniversary Father J! Here's hoping you make it to 26!!!"

So every time I think "Happy Eighteenth Anniversary, Mojo!" there's a little part of my brain that adds, "Here's hoping you make it to 19!"

Yesterday (meaning Sunday the 17th) happens to be the fifth anniversary of gay marriage in the state of Massachusetts. So I happen to share this happy time of year with many gay friends, known and unknown, about the state. So many years of happiness to all of them, as well.

Mojo

"Why, Mojo? WHY?" You sob. To which Mojo replies, ya know, I can't be held responsible for your happiness every second of every day. Why don't you take up a hobby, instead of relying on Mojo for your daily combination of Joy and Enlightenment?

If you are at all paying attention, you will notice there is no Craptacular item up for bids. Why? Because things aren't done, and Mojo wishes them to be done before she launches Mojo's Exciting Year of Crap. It's that simple.

And why aren't things done? Take your pick:

1. Mojo is lazy, as usual.  MORE Mojo! »

...especially the BABY BORDER COLLIE the Sheep Expert at the Lieberry recently got. He comes to the library nearly all the time, and he is just adorable....

Happiness, on the other hand, is NOT being tailgated at 75 miles an hour by some late-teens early-twenties bimbo driving what is probably Daddy's car with a cigarette in one hand and a cell phone in the other. Literally, if I were standing on my bumper I could have stepped over to her hood. At 75 miles an hour. With both hands full of nasty habits, leaving none to actually steer. Where's Darwin when ya need him?

Granted, Mojo is not saint, seeing how she herself was going 75 to begin with, but while she may drive fast she's usually quite safe. If you don't believe me, check out my driving record at the DMV. Only one accident--and that was when a kid T-boned me while I was sitting at a red light. In my brand new Tacoma. Honest. Only a thousand miles on it. My first new car in over fifteen years. Broke my mighty heart.

When she finally passed me (in a no-passing zone, natch!) I was informed by her bumper sticker that "LOVE is the Answer". So there ya have it. You're welcome.

Mojo

...mostly on account of my Favorite Husband being sick with a cold, and Mojo fighting off the temptation to join him, and ignoring the simple fact that we don't really lead excitement-filled lives in the first place.

Right now I am watching the movie A Christmas Story, and while I admit it is a cute, sweet story I really don't see what all the fuss is about. Like the Harry Potter books. I read them all, and I wish Rowling all happiness and success, and they are nice books and all, but I fail to grasp what EXACTLY sets them apart from all the other, equally good children's lit. I guess I am trying to determine the "tipping point" factor that makes average things suddenly take off, while things that I suspect are higher quality are left in the dust.

Of course once Mojo figures this out there will be no stopping her, and she will eventually Rule The World and then everyone will have to follow her myriad Rules and Regulations to Avoid Annoying Her. First order of business--the new Burger King and Old Navy campaigns will be totally taken off the air. (You're welcome.) And people who can't spell will lose their jobs as Chyron operators for the local news. I woke up to the Christmas news on the local station and their holiday graphic wished all of us a "Mary Christmas". I kid you not. I kept watching thinking this must be some sort of reference to the Virgin Mary, but ten minutes later I came to the sad conclusion that no, someone was just illiterate. Yay.

My Favorite Family actually isn't celebrating until Saturday. So I went out shopping this morning. I think from now on EVERY Christmas celebration should take place a week after the actual day. Because you just can't beat the bargains!

I was at the store at 10:00 am expecting masses of people. Instead I walked the mall and was out of there by 10:20 with about half of my shopping done. And for much, much less than it would have cost me on Monday. So there!

Mojo

Mojo somehow believes that what she thinks of as "the lesser people" will be utterly fascinated by her--Mojo's--morning routine. I don't know why. Just humor her by nodding and smiling and she will soon go back to her standard whininess.  MORE Mojo! »

A friend of mine doesn't like "bad" things in movies. No one getting shot, no violence at all, nothing scary. So it's really hard to recommend good movies to her because sometimes good movies have those things, too. It's called "conflict" and, for better or worse, most of humankind's art appears to be based on it. People are more interested in fighting than in "happily ever after". Celebrity gossip--people are more interested when they screw up and destroy their lives than those who just go to work and then go home to a happy family. Divorce is more newsworthy than boring happiness. Such is life.  MORE Mojo! »