Pee Wee's Playhouse X-mas Special!
Submitted by mojo on
Ya know, I should just say, right from the start: Insert Your Own Joke Here.
When I was in college taking a screenwriting class I once submitted a script that was a parody of the televison show, The Waltons, which had jumped the shark by then and was edging slowly toward its painful lingering death. Not that my script was any sort of Great Art; it was just to complete some assignment and move on with my life. I don't remember much about it except that as one might imagine I was cruel and snarky and somehow indicated that the John-Boy character (I forget what I called him or her) was basically commercializing his fond family memories for a quick buck (hmmmm...), and as the family sat around the table they started discussing the residuals they would get when the show went into syndication. There was also a tiresome snotty precocious little girl out of the gazillion kids who, like a little barefoot and overalled Mojo-slash-intellectual snot-slash-Greek chorus, questioned every plot point and every utterance by the other characters that did not make logical sense. Sort of like a precursor to Lisa Simpson on The Simpsons, only with a Waltons-esque twang.
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Yep, every once in a while when Mojo feels up to it we dig deep into her sordid past and bring up some item that failed to sell, all because of her utter incompetence as a sales person. Sure, she likes to pretend she's really witty and fun and people will buy stuff just to be entertained, but for many people she just comes across as obnoxious. And while there is something to be said for her "anti-sales" sales pitch, there is also something to be said for Not Being Stupid.
Unlike many people Mojo has never been particularly FOND of monkeys. She does not wish them harm, not with her Boundless Love for All God's Creatures, but all the same she would rather not be locked in a room with one if it could be avoided. Monkeys have always kind of freaked her out. They behave much like a very, very nervous human, and Mojo does not like hanging out with horribly nervous people. Mojo much prefers people who are cool and laid back, for they are less likely to react in a negative way should Mojo decide to tease them mercilessly or point out the various logical fallacies they may indulge in when publicly stating a position. (Not that Mojo really CARES one way or another; she just likes the intellectual exercise of picking things apart and seeing how they work. And she is always SHOCKED when people take offense to this. Which is why she mostly thinks things in her head now, or in eBay item descriptions, instead of indulging in Real Life interactions of that nature.)
Mojo's Island Vacation Week!
Yep, Mojo's theme this week is any of those lovely tropical islands people vacation on. Not that I would know what I'm talking about. Being the proud stick-in-the-mud that she is, Mojo has never been to any of them. Yet ironically her house is filled with tourist crap like what you'll see this week. I guess there's no need to actually spend the thousands of dollars on such a vacation when you can just buy some crap on eBay and pretend you went!
But first, I would like to waste valuable time discussing what I will call META-gifts. I have been on the varying incarnations of what is now considered "The Internet" for a long time--nearly twenty years. I used to work at a college, and for years before Certain Other People got involved and commercialized the net, all us college people were emailing each other and gophering and reading Usenet newsgroups using TIN and all that geeky unix stuff. It was all text-based with a command line at the bottom, which served as a sort of first-hurdle Darwin test to keep the truly incompetent out. But as people worked to make computers more user-cuddly and less frightening it opened the doors to all sorts of people, which has its good and bad points, like most things in life. But I digress.