pretense

Mojo Versus the Phone Companies

So Mojo has sadly resigned herself to the fact that the Evil V will never, ever EVER give her DSL internet.

Mojo is okay with reality. She doesn't spend too much time moping or wishing things were different or droning endless affirmations reflecting how she would like her life to be under the delusion that doing so will somehow change things. She is happy enough with her MiFi, and for any HUGE uploads she goes visiting other people under the pretense that she likes them, when really she just wants to jump on their wireless to upload another pointless YouTube video. It's what she calls a "social life".

But after hearing a happy tale from a luckier person (who we suspect is just throwing her extreme internet happiness in Mojo's face, but once again whatcha gonna do), she thought she'd see if Evil V's competitor, AT&T, might be willing to supply home phone and internet. So she goes to AT&T's site and plugs in her address to see if any form of high speed internet is available in her area. More Mojo!>>

Where's Mojo?

Yes, I have been hearing the agonized shrieks of Mojo's little army of hoi polloi fans, even from way up here in my shiny gold tower. "Where's Mojo?" wafts the cry, borne upwards on the wings of, um, pigeons and stuff. And while Mojo has a distinct aversion to having to explain herself to the likes of lesser mortals, society dictates that she must swallow her annoyance and make a pretense of civility in her response, at least if she intends to keep the few fans she has.

So all I can say in my defense is, Mojo has a new camera. As in, a DROID INCREDIBLE. Yes, just when you thought Mojo couldn't possibly get more incredible than she already was, well, there she goes becoming even more incredible. And since Mojo is used to not using her phone if she can help it, it's been a steep learning curve getting her to download apps and use it for fun things.

One thing it DOES have is a pretty good camera, for a phone. SO I've been taking pictures, documenting my exciting and vibrant life. At the risk of creating even more envy among my bitter enemies, here is a sample of some of the exciting things I have done since getting my camera: More Mojo!>>

Mojo's Bloggity Laziness...

Yeah, okay, short holiday weekend, blah blah blah. Still, you'd think Mojo would get off her duff and do something constructive. Not that blogging's all that constructive, but it at least perpetuates the pretense that Mojo is busy doing exciting things and not watching reruns of South Park. (Which we all know she can't, since she doesn't have cable.)

But what I CAN watch is YouTube videos. Especially if they involve Jane Lynch, who Mojo enjoys very much. We've both admired her for many a year, although we always knew her as "oh, there's that funny lady again". We didn't look up who she was until after watching Best In Show or A Mighty Wind. Anyway, Jane was married this weekend at the Blue Heron in Sunderland--why? Because for all its many faults the state of Mass is still the most gay-friendly state in the union, and besides which the Blue Heron is an awesomely good restaurant--and while Mojo is not really a celebrity stalker or fawner or gossip-lover or much of anything besides "who's THAT, again?" I did come across this video of her being interviewed by Katie Couric. And she comes across as the totally charming type that you'd like to have as your next door neighbor.

Ironically, despite my claim that I am a longtime fan, I have never once saw a single episode of Glee. I suspect because it's on too late, and I never got in the habit of taping it, and now that it's popular it's Too Late Now. Along those same lines, I've never once seen Betty White in Golden Girls. So there. Try to have a good weekend, anyway.

 

More Mojo!>>

Mojo's Stupid Commercial du Jour is......

"Fancy Feast" cat food. For their newest advertising inspiration, entitled "Restaurant-Inspired Cat Food". Which a), looks absolutely NOTHING like I would ever want to receive in a restaurant, and b), is clearly and obviously cat food, no matter how many sprigs of parsley you put on the plate.

[adsense:300x250:1:1] More Mojo!>>

Mom's Owl Collection, Volume 11!

Mojo's Favorite Mother's Owl Collection, Volume 11

Cute Little Possibly Antique Owl!

 

Mojo does not know or remember or particularly care if her Favorite Mother's Owl Collection was something her mother actually wanted to collect, or if it was intially or subsequently foisted upon her by a large family desperate for ideas for holiday gifts to give her. All she knows is, now her Favorite Mother no longer wants or needs or desires her Owl Collection. So Mojo's Favorite Mother cunningly foisted these things on her Forgotten Middle Daughter, in a pretense of supporting the Craptacular, but we all know the reality is, it saved her a trip to the dump. And now these things are cluttering Mojo's house instead of her own, heh heh heh. Now you see where Mojo gets her cunning, cleverly wrapped as it is in a verbose folly of ineptitude and greed. And you can also see, perhaps, that Mojo is no match for her senior when it comes to wheedling manipulation and distraction techniques while foisting crap upon a gullible subject. More Mojo!>>

Mom's Owl Collection, Volume 8!

Mojo's Favorite Mother's Owl Collection, Volume 8

Generic Ceramic Owls!

Mojo does not know or remember or particularly care if her Favorite Mother's Owl Collection was something her mother actually wanted to collect, or if it was intially or subsequently foisted upon her by a large family desperate for ideas for holiday gifts to give her. All she knows is, now her Favorite Mother no longer wants or needs or desires her Owl Collection. So Mojo's Favorite Mother cunningly foisted these things on her Forgotten Middle Daughter, in a pretense of supporting the Craptacular, but we all know the reality is, it saved her a trip to the dump. And now these things are cluttering Mojo's house instead of her own, heh heh heh. Now you see where Mojo gets her cunning, cleverly wrapped as it is in a verbose folly of ineptitude and greed. And you can also see, perhaps, that Mojo is no match for her senior when it comes to wheedling manipulation and distraction techniques while foisting crap upon a gullible subject. More Mojo!>>

Mom's Owl Collection, Volume 3!

Mojo's Favorite Mother's Owl Collection, Volume 3:

Two Tiny Glass Owls

Mojo does not know or remember or particularly care if her Favorite Mother's Owl Collection was something her mother actually wanted to collect, or if it was intially or subsequently foisted upon her by a large family desperate for ideas for holiday gifts to give her. All she knows is, now her Favorite Mother no longer wants or needs or desires her Owl Collection. So Mojo's Favorite Mother cunningly foisted these things on her Forgotten Middle Daughter, in a pretense of supporting the Craptacular, but we all know the reality is, it saved her a trip to the dump. And now these things are cluttering Mojo's house instead of her own, heh heh heh. Now you see where Mojo gets her cunning, cleverly wrapped as it is in a verbose folly of ineptitude and greed. And you can also see, perhaps, that Mojo is no match for her senior when it comes to wheedling manipulation and distraction techniques while foisting crap upon a gullible subject. More Mojo!>>

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