If you've ever wondered how Mojo became the enchanting and bewitching lass that she has become, wonder no more.

The only immediate family member from Mojo's youth to escape this seasonal wrath was her Favorite Younger Sister, who is represented via proxy. That's because Mojo did not have any decent pictures of her handy, and those I found on the internet tended to be crowd shots of her as a single face in a sea of faces. Because that's the sort of questionable life she leads. Not that Mojo judges. Not to her face, anyway.  MORE Mojo! »

If you're scrambling for holiday gifts and you're looking for something not too expensive that will require VERY LITTLE THOUGHT OR EFFORT on the part of you, the magnanimous giver, Mojo oh-so nonchalantly suggests you buy one or two or a dozen or so of her books she has recently put up for sale at fine booksellers everywhere.

These are actual books written by our beloved Mojo, mind you, not a stupid compilation of blog posts you can read for free, or crappy books others have given her and now she's foisting off on people who just want something that once resided, however briefly, in Mojo's hot little hands. No--real books; novels, as a matter of fact. So tell your friends, wake the neighbors, and rip 'em apart on the reviews on Amazon if you have the notion. (You could say NICE things about them too, if you like, but when was the last time Mojo ever said anything nice about YOU, huh? I rest my case.)  MORE Mojo! »

...but a good consumer, huh? Which makes me, like, a PATRIOT.

Why, you ask. What has she done THIS time?

Well, I'll tell you.

After a month of seeing them in Costco and ALMOST buying it on the spot, but instead thinking about it and mulling it over and checking out all the online reviews and whatnot, I finally succumbed.  MORE Mojo! »

Yes, Mojo actually had a day off, and spent it playing tourist in her own backyard.

You see, despite my lack of sensory input, I have somehow convinced myself that my morning treat of coffee and chocolate is somehow Not As Wonderful As It Should Be by virtue of my using instant coffee. I do so because, let's face it, Mojo is lazy.  MORE Mojo! »

Why does Mojo do this? Why does she get her hopes up when society tells her that something is REALLY REALLY GREAT? You just KNOW she is doomed to a lifetime of disappointment when said thing does not live up to the hype.

This latest thing is a book which is making the rounds and everyone is just GUSHING about it. Mojo has heard about it for YEARS and has finally gotten around to reading it. It's a nonfiction book, thank heavens, and it's about something that Mojo indeed supports and hopes to see more of and all that good stuff.

But the book itself is--how can I say this? I will just say it. The book itself is DREADFUL. One of the most wretchedly-written things Mojo has read in a long time. The story is great, but you have to carefully pick it out of some of the most purplish goo I have seen in a loooonnnng time.

I was so astonished at my reaction--since everyone else is telling me this is the greatest thing in the world since sliced bread--that I went to Amazon, and, as is my custom, I went straight to the "bad" reviews, eschewing all the eighty gazillion good reviews. This in keeping with Tolstoy's philosophy that good things are all pretty much alike, but bad things are each bad in their own particular way. This is not being negative and searching for complaints, mind you, but simply because I find you learn more from "negative" reviews with specific quibbles than you ever will from a gazillion "OMG OMG OMG THIS IS SO GOOD" reviews, which all sound the same after a while.  MORE Mojo! »

There are several ways even a dweeby nobody such as yourself can support the continuation of Mojo's Craptacular and keep Mojo in the high-flyin' free-wheelin' lifestyle she is so accustomed to. (I mean, you think she whines and complains NOW, just imagine how intolerable she'd become if she ever had to live under a bridge and eat rats or something.)  MORE Mojo! »

Here's the Leaning Tower of Pisa parody, courtesy of the Nielson Hayden site. I think it's absolutely hysterical, but it's NOT family-friendly, for those of you who may object to strong language.  MORE Mojo! »

This has no doubt been totally blogged to death, but what the hey.

There's a truism in the publishing industry that says an author should never, ever EVER respond to a bad review. And yet there is always someone (like me, for example!) who somehow thinks rules don't apply to them.  MORE Mojo! »