We have long established that poor Mojo, in addition to her many other social faults, is also a bird nerd of lllloooooonnnnnng standing. One needs only to search the site for the word "birds" and you will instantly be transported into a magical realm of, umm, birds. Even Mojo's occasional brushes with greatness tend to dwell not so much on said greatness's many contributions to society, but on freakin' BIRDS.

Mojo also subscribes to Boing Boing's Twitter feed. Boing Boing, of course, is a directory of wonderful things, and whenever Mojo wants to look pathetically hip or cool she might share a link she finds on Boing Boing. And if she is feeling particularly generous, she will give Boing Boing full credit instead of taking the link from the original source and pretending like she is cool enough to read said original source on a regular basis. Because we all know by now, in addition to her bird nerdliness, Mojo is in reality an old clueless fuddy-duddy who relies greatly on Google and a hipper Younger Sister to Explain Things to Her. (And finds, as she gets older and even more of a stick-in-the-mud, that many of these things, once explained to her, she wishes she never once ever heard about. But I digress.)

So perhaps the more imaginative among you can guess at Mojo's glee when she saw the BB headline in her Twitter feed: "Penguins: Now with more color". (A great many people who are NOT bird nerds nonetheless like penguins, probably because they march around like serious little people in tuxedos, which makes non-bird people giggle and say stupid things like "Oh, look! They think they're people!") I was a hair disappointed to learn that the added color to the penguins was not some exotically-plumaged new variety, but merely the result of thermal imaging. Which is important and interesting in its own light, but not what I expected when I clicked on the link. (Some of this convoluted thought process was no doubt because I was trapped with the dog in a hotel room at the time, and since I don't really watch cable all that much I was bored out of my skull. But again, I digress.)  MORE Mojo! »

So Mojo has sadly resigned herself to the fact that the Evil V will never, ever EVER give her DSL internet.

Mojo is okay with reality. She doesn't spend too much time moping or wishing things were different or droning endless affirmations reflecting how she would like her life to be under the delusion that doing so will somehow change things. She is happy enough with her MiFi, and for any HUGE uploads she goes visiting other people under the pretense that she likes them, when really she just wants to jump on their wireless to upload another pointless YouTube video. It's what she calls a "social life".

But after hearing a happy tale from a luckier person (who we suspect is just throwing her extreme internet happiness in Mojo's face, but once again whatcha gonna do), she thought she'd see if Evil V's competitor, AT&T, might be willing to supply home phone and internet. So she goes to AT&T's site and plugs in her address to see if any form of high speed internet is available in her area.  MORE Mojo! »

So someone advised me as to a last minute gift for my now Eight Year Old Friend. It's a shirt, which Mojo always thought a tad lame for a young boy, but I am told he really likes this group and hence a particular t-shirt will just totally MAKE this young man's holiday.  MORE Mojo! »

And who doesn't? Besides crazy insane stupid people, that is. Fall is the BEST time of year. The days are still warm, but the frosts at night kill off all the mosquitos. Who are, of course, the very BANE of poor Mojo's sorry existence. The colors are very nice, at least here in New England, though (sorry, tourists!) recent wind and rain storms have pretty much destroyed the foliage this year. (They won't tell you that on the news, but we went for a drive this weekend and eh, I've seen better years.)  MORE Mojo! »

Have you ever wondered? Gosh, I sure have. Because this blog is all part of a well-oiled PLAN. An evil SCHEME, if you will. Which I have been trying so very hard to hide from the American people. Only the other day I happened to stumble over one of those "all blogs, all the time" sort of sites that keep statistical data on just about everything with an RSS feed. And they had a list of top tags that tell the casual passerby exactly what this blog is about.

Imagine my consternation of having my Evil Plot just left hanging out there for everyone to see! And here I've been, looking at my referral statistics, giggling because it looks to me like the number one attraction thus far has been my product description of Garden Sensation's Forest Faces. Which, granted, I've always thought was one of my better efforts, but the cruel reality is, I've been using it all these years to mask a more evil intent.  MORE Mojo! »

So yesterday I am sort of perusing the ol' finances, given the very recent announcement that my Favorite Husband's work is cutting his check yet again, resulting in what amounts to a combined 25% pay cut, which is not catastrophic yet but it DOES gives one pause, especially when one rather likes sushi. And thinking to oneself, okay, so if we don't cut back and continue enjoying our present lifestyle we have about a year or so before things seriously catch up to you.  MORE Mojo! »

So a short time ago I was held hostage for a good twenty minutes by a VERY nice person who seems to enjoy doing something for a living that--quite frankly--would suck my soul dry and spit it out on the dung heap in about three minutes.

I have met such people before, and I appreciate that they, like me, have found gainful employment doing something they truly enjoy, so that work is not really work. But whereas Mojo does really cool and interesting things--at least to her fevered brain--these people do things I find utterly dull. Like my accountant, F, who is a VERY nice man, he just LOVES going through tax forms. So much so that one time I asked him "Do you really like DOING this?" in a somewhat incredulous voice. I can report back to you that yes, yes indeed he does.

This person who held me hostage is a worker for the federal government, and misinterpreted my polite "hello" for "Gosh, I'd like nothing better than for you to explain to me in excruciating detail the subtle nuances between these three dry-as-toast Federal regulations!" A non-request that said federal worker was more than happy to fulfill. So here's poor Mojo, trying to edge for the door, while this VERY NICE person proceeds to take out form after form and photocopied instruction sheet after photocopied instruction sheet. And then searches madly for a yellow highlighter so that the pertinent facts can be highlighted for my later perusal. Because you just KNOW I'm gonna be reading these things over and over again, and not just stick them in my pocket and have them go through the wash.  MORE Mojo! »

So I had the pleasure of my Seven-Year-Old Friend's company this weekend. We ended up going to Howe Caverns, which my Favorite Husband and I went to a while back--maybe a year ago? Anyway, when we first took our SYO Friend "caving" we were both intrigued when going to Howe Cavern the sundry and amusing kitschy signs for a smaller Secret Caverns, so we took our (then) Five-or-Six-Year-Old friend there. He enjoyed himself, so this past weekend we conspired to go to the Big One, Howe Caverns, which is indeed immense and cheesy and lots of fun. And it was great to see it from a seven-year-old's perspective, for when you first walk in and see the first big cave-room his eyes lit up and he just went "AWESOME!" and he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

But this is not about that, exciting as that was, but instead about Auntie Mojo being somewhat forced to "camp" with her SYO Friend. Since the weather was not cooperative we instead "camped" on the living room floor in front of the fireplace insert, which was okay except of course Mojo is getting too old to really enjoy sleeping on the floor anymore. But wait, it gets better.

For some reason this fall Ratty Cat has reverted back to being the Mighty Hunter of his stray days, and I don't think a day has gone by without him bringing two or three live mice into the house for our amusement. So Mojo just gets her excited young friend in his sleeping bag and he finally drops off, and poor Mojo is left on the cold hard floor trying to get comfortable--and despite the jokes one may hear or even make, the ten pounds or so of winter fat Mojo is accruing for the season did NOT make her more cushioned or comfortable ONE TINY BIT--where was I? Oh, yes, Setting the Scene.

So here is poor elderly Mojo, trying most unsucessfully to beat a wooden floor into some semblance of comfortable sleeping quarters, while listening to her SYO Friend snoring peacefully and getting kicked and pummeled by Rosie the dog who is enjoying her nap in her SYO Friend's embrace and showing her joy by kicking Mojo repeatedly with her clawed feet. Finally things settle down and Mojo is able to slowly drop into a disturbed and uncomfortable slumber.

Just in time for Ratty to come in with yet another mouse.

A half-awake Mojo listens to the yowling "I have an Important Protein Source for the entire family to enjoy" announcement and sort of half-wishes she were dreaming it. But no, it was not to be, for Ratty, impatient at Mojo for not jumping up and lavishing him with praise, decided to illustrate just how important his work is to the family by dropping said live and only slightly traumatized mousie right down Mojo's sleeping bag.

Which I gotta tell ya, woke her up like nobody's bizness.

I will leave the ensuing scene to your vibrant imagination. Bear in mind Mojo's shrieks had to be kept to a minimum so as not to awake the rest of the house. But just about everything else was indeed about as spastic and graceful as you can imagine.

Mojo

Yes, Mojo has survived the bacchanal that was her SIX Year Old Friend's birthday party. Things have changed substantially since Mojo was a wee lass. Mojo does not recall ever being the subject of an actual party for starters; perhaps because she was always greedy enough to demand lemon-flavored cake, something that no one else in the family could stand. And she always had lemon cake because she was thereby assured she would be eating the majority of the cake all by herself. And to Mojo, eating cake was more important than maintaining friendships.  MORE Mojo! »

So poor Mojo still has this giant section of lawn she has to mow. She has been doing it in shifts so it does not overwhelm her at once, but instead sucks the life out of her little by little. The part of the lawn that is still not mowed--maybe an acre--is about knee-high now. So you will appreciate how it will take a while, since Mojo only has a regular push-in-front-of-her mower and not a really nice rider mower or lawn tractor.

And the other morning Mojo was surveying what she still had to mow, and to her distress found that her little miniature hayfield was now the home to countless baby black-and-yellow argiopes, which is a type of orb-web-building spider. A very COOL orb-web-building spider. Right now they are little babies, only an inch or so long. But give them a month or two, and you will see some absolutely SPECTACULAR giant spiders. Easily two or three inches long, with webs so strong they seem to be made out of fishing twine.  MORE Mojo! »