One might think I spend ALL MY TIME watching television, but what I do is, well, okay, I have the news on in the early morning in the background, like now, so that if the world asploded overnight I might be vaguely aware of it. The rest of the day it is off, unless I decide to have a movie on in the background while I am working at the computer. (I don't bother with daytime television anymore. I just DON'T.  MORE Mojo! »

...at least, lately....

So The Simpsons decided to honor a Certain Fan who has recently died by replaying an old chestnut, the video of "Do the Bartman". Mojo neither likes nor dislikes the Bartman; when it first came out it just sort of looked to me like one of many cashing-in opportunities. It wasn't until later that a Certain Fan's involvement was admitted, due to exclusivity legality issues, but it's pretty obvious, especially since the Certain Fan was also doing a guest spot on the show. Which was also uncredited, again because of legal stuff, although as Lisa Simpson says, "Of course they didn't use their real names, but you could tell it was them."

Anyway, I can take or leave "Do the Bartman", but one thing has always, always, ALWAYS bothered me about it. This one thing is just wrong, wrong, wrong. And that is, during the first chorus dancing (on the school stage), it portrays series Poindexter Martin Prince doing pelvic thrusts.

That's the sort of thing that gives Mojo nightmares.

Mojo

That, for the uninitiated, is Mojo-speak for, "For some reason Mojo could not sleep last night. She didn't even attempt to go to bed until midnight, and then laid awake until two, whereupon she gave up the ghost and came downstairs and looked up stupid things on Wikipedia hoping that would bore her to sleepiness, and finally went back to bed around four, only to have her Favorite Husband get up at four-thirty, and the way he bops around the house Mojo might as well get up too, so here she is on maybe an hour's sleep and she'll be pulling a twelve hour shift at the lieberry today so she will be in Fine Fettle when she drags her sorry butt home tonight."

Or words to that effect. There is some loss in the translation.  MORE Mojo! »

Despite her constant complaints about televison advertising, Mojo really doesn't watch TV that much. The only show she watches regularly now is The Simpsons, and even that is mostly out of habit. And--again, out of habit--she turns on the Today Show every morning to try to catch the odd snippet of interesting and relevant news among the makeovers and wedding plans and other useless garbage the show has promoted.

Mojo has NEVER ONCE seen any reality show in its entirety, let alone follow one. And she blames the FOX network, with the "success" of its morally wretched "Who wants to marry a millionaire?" show for the sudden rise in "reality" programming. Mojo was horrified at the very idea of such a program, and every time she convinced herself FOX couldn't sink any lower they managed. At least judging by the commercials, which is what Mojo sees while she is watching her Sunday night cartoons. One time the Simpsons even made fun of FOX by having some television show called something like "Promiscuous Idiot Island".  MORE Mojo! »

As I've said before (and again and again, Lordy won't she ever stop), I happen to be a longtime fan of the animated television series the Simpsons (going back to the bumpers on the old Tracey Ullman show). One recurring plot contrivance involves Moe, the embittered, homicidal, suicidal barkeep, and his occasional attempts to improve his filthy, rat-infested station in life. On one of these occasions, Moe transformed Moe's Tavern into a family-style eatery called "Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag" and even sprang for some television advertising: "If you like good food, good fun, and a whole lotta crazy crap on the walls, come on down to Uncle Moe's!"  MORE Mojo! »

So, I figured I need to get a couple of corks for the Bear Air bottles, so the precious Bear Air will not escape before the purchaser can enjoy it. I go to my local giant have-everything-real-cheap store, whose slogan--to plagiarize the Simpsons yet again--is "Where Shopping Is A Baffling Ordeal". (I just now researched it on the internet to see if the Simpsons writers were referring to the Monstromart or the Try'N'Save (it's the Monstromart) and there are a number of pathetic people who are trying to be witty and saying things like "Ya know, I think Best Buy (or Walmart, or whatever) should change its slogan to 'Where Shopping Is A Baffling Ordeal!'" and laughing like they themselves are really funny. And I'm thinking, do they really honestly think they made that up themselves? Or do they honestly think there won't be one or two people out there who watch the Simpsons and might remember that? Or do they honestly think Google doesn't exist? Pathetic...)  MORE Mojo! »