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Submitted by mojo on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 6:35am
Yeah, I know, there are MILLIONS of REAL people who have sustained massive property damage and are still without power following this past weekend's freak snowstorm, but hopefully they can sit in gas lines so they can drive to some place WITH power AND internet so they can read all about the following HORRIFYING TRAGEDY:
Just in case--for some weirdo reason--you found the last storyline ("I am totally bummed because I have a long-lost love." "Oh. Have you tried looking for him on the internet?" "Found him!" The End) a tad dull, the Mary Worth creative team has TOTALLY UPPED THE DRAMA! Yes, forget about your own petty, insignificant problems--MARY WORTH HAS LOST HER WALLET!
I don't know why more people don't read this strip. It is pure AWESOME SAUCE.
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Submitted by mojo on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 5:05am
THERE, now! You SEE why Mojo reads her Mary Worth every day? Of course, I suppose it might not be so funny if you haven't been following the story this past month or so. A story, like so many of them lately, that has nothing whatsoever to do with Mary Worth, yet they plug her at the end so we remember who's the actual star of the comic strip. Besides, when one is in love, and finally reunited with one's object d'affection after years and YEARS and YEARS of separation, it is only right that one thinks of the elderly biddy who once talked to you in a diner while you brought her coffee.
It's like, Mojo has been married for over twenty years, okay? And unlike those unfortunates who get bored or angry or whatever, Mojo remains vibrantly and stupidly in luv with her Favorite Husband, at least thus far. And I can't help but suspect that one of the clues to this revolting sort of storybook happiness is, when I tell my Favorite Husband I love him, usually (usually, mind you!) I am not also privately thinking, "I love chocolate chip cookies, too!" Nor do I receive a thank-you hug from said Favorite Husband, only to turn to the camera behind his back, a la Television Commercial Wife, to whisper, "...and thank YOU, Aunt Jemima!" Because that behavior, to Mojo's Stodgy and Old-Fashioned Way of Thinking, indicates that your heart really isn't in The Moment, is it.
Not that there's anything wrong with chocolate chip cookies. I've forgotten where I'm going with this one. Have a good weekend, anyway!
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Submitted by mojo on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 4:51am
Just a brief note to point out that today marks the sixth anniversary of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts' decision to allow same-sex couples to wed. Which has always made the happily-married Mojo that little bit extra happy, thinking that ALL of her friends who choose to can share in the happiness she enjoys. (Above and beyond all the legal and human rights and treating-everyone-equally ramifications, don'tcha know.)
Some of this uncharacteristic soppiness probably comes from not enough sleep after celebrating my Favorite Parents' recent renewal of their own wedding vows, which took place nearly 52 years ago come June 8. But Mojo feels the need to remind ALL of her friends--gay, straight, transgendered, whatever--that you are indeed loved. Okay, so maybe it's just Mojo love, which--let's face it--won't even get you a cuppa coffee out there in the cruel, cold world. But at least you have ONE grumpy, muttering, wild-eyed person in your corner. Besides, you can always pretend you don't know me. I understand.
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Submitted by mojo on Wed, 01/13/2010 - 8:36pm
...because Mojo is drooling worse than Homer over a box of donuts.
Submitted by mojo on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 5:25am
Honestly, how much more of this are you going to take? When we last heard from Mojo, she was insinuating that she and her Favorite Husband got into some sort of screaming match over shoveling the driveway. While we are all used to Mojo's pathetic lies she sometimes uses to try to make her boring life more exciting than it actually is, you really have to draw the line when she decides to drag her Favorite Husband's good name into her spewing pile of slander. Specially since he's rarely online and hence cannot defend himself against her dreadful pointy words.
For Mojo's claim that she and her Favorite Husband have ever indulged in a "shrieking screamfest" about ANYTHING, let along something as banal as snow shoveling, is just cruelly not true. Mojo just thought some DRAMA and DISH-THROWING might add some spice to the blog. While Mojo would like nothing better than to promote the fiction that her life is indeed a purposeless charade of petty complaints and recriminations, her Favorite Husband is actually a Very Nice Person who deserves better than being characterized as someone who would yell at anyone, let alone the Love of His Life. (Ahem! That would be me.) MORE Mojo! »
Submitted by mojo on Thu, 12/10/2009 - 5:33am
...IN WHICH Mojo attempts once more to bare her ugly soul to you, and not get distracted by Mary Worth.
So, um, where was I? Oh, yes, my crossroads. Every now and then Mojo likes to sit around and think things through. Well, every chance she gets, to be honest, although what Mojo calls "thinking" other, lesser-evolved creatures might describe as "sitting around playing solitaire card games on her computer, the lazy slug". Because for the most part, things have gone and continue to go just swell, thank you very much. But something has arisen, as things do on occasion, to shake up Mojo's insular little happy world and make her aware of the concerns of other beings. As in, I've heard other people go through this, and now I find myself in the same boat. And so I turn to YOU, kind, random internet stranger with no particular qualifications to actually counsel or advise, aside from your repeated assertions that you know what you are talking about. Hey, you had me at "I only say this because I have your best interests at heart". Mojo's SOLD! MORE Mojo! »
Submitted by mojo on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 5:10am
Submitted by mojo on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 3:15am
Mojo started yet another blog a few weeks ago. Maybe by now it's months; I've lost track of time.
Anyway, it's just yet another facet of this bewildering jumble of rash decisions and obnoxious behavior we have all come to know, love and worship as "Mojo".
It's also a shamelessly pathetic fangirl site, like what a teenager might create on MySpace. Complete with the distracting loud color scheme and too much bewildering crap on the front page. MORE Mojo! »
Submitted by mojo on Tue, 09/15/2009 - 5:59am
SO much to do! Right now I am compiling my shopping list for the various pipes and fixtures I will need to install the new well pump. I'm shooting for this weekend, and I'm hoping this time I can keep the "gosh darn it I need to run back to the hardware store for that" trips to a minimum.
I am also putting the finishing touches on a fun project that pertains to my love of ALL THINGS ELLA. As in Ella Fitzgerald, Pudding Brain. Not that I ever had anything against Ella Grasso. I even met her once when she came to the wrong door at our high school while we were rehearsing a play, and my friends and I conducted her and her husband through the auditorium and backstage so they could get to where they wanted to go (it was after hours and the janitors had put up those cagey barriers). She was very nice and said "Thank you." Unlike today, where apparently you get points for interrupting people and being rude.
Those are the only two Ellas I can think of offhand. But when Mojo says "Ella" you should put your money on the WORLD FAMOUS INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL JAZZ SINGER before any other comers, including the late Ms. Grasso. Whom I've never heard sing, so I cannot comment on her ability to scat.
I could comment on MY ability to scat, but that would cause all of you to stop worshiping me. And we can't have that now, can we?
Oh, and this morning I received my first forwarded email warning me that my cell phone will set my arm on fire. It makes me feel special that people will forward these things to me without bothering to check on them first. Thank you for your concern, though, it means a lot. Amusingly according to Snopes some versions of this cell phone email now claim that "SNOPES SAYS IT'S TRUE!" or words to that effect. Ahhh, the Circle of Life.
Submitted by mojo on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 6:38am
Okay, so you can just SEE how kind and indulgent Mojo's Favorite Husband is by the following. On Saturday we were entertained by Mojo's Favorite Father, who was a quilt widower since my Favorite Mother was off gallivanting somewhere doing one of her quilt thingies. He fed us WAY too much food, incidentally. Including chocolate cake, since he figured his Favorite Middle-Aged Daughter Mojo would like it. (She did.)
They say, using the tired old cliché, that you end up marrying your father. I don't know how true that actually is, particularly if a woman happens to be gay, but in Mojo's case there *are* some odd coincidences that sometimes makes her go "hmmmm". Both Favorite Father and Favorite Husband are engineers--although, to be honest, so is Favorite Older Sister. And Favorite Mother is a quilter, which is pretty much an engineery-type thing, although quilters will deny this and maintain they can't be engineers because they're "bad at math". All the while designing geometric quilts and figuring out selvages and embiggening patterns and whatnot. But I digress.
So anyway. Both Favorite Father and Favorite Husband are engineers. Both are exceedingly kind people. Both are very smart and very funny. And when you get the two together, they both love to gang up on poor beleaguered Mojo like there's no tomorrow and make cruel jokes at her expense. All in good fun, of course. And all of this is somewhat mollified by their tendency, also, to be indulgent and pretty much do whatever Mojo asks. MORE Mojo! »
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