Mojo Offers You PROOF.

FredGranted, Mojo complains about so many petty things it is easy to just kinda tune her out and ignore her many LEGITIMATE and HEART-RENDING ISSUES. Take the new kitten, for example. How could Mojo EVER complain about the CUTEST KITTEN EVAR? I mean, he's sitting here LEANING AGAINST MY ARM as I type! Don't "Awwww" too loud or you'll wake him up!

Everything's Better With a Bag of Weed

Like most people her age, and perhaps a decade or two older, Mojo has occasionally smoked pot. She was by no means a pothead, and as usual she's so cheap she never actually BOUGHT any herself, but if offered she would occasionally partake. It was about the same time one also experiments somewhat with drinking, and I must say, a pot high is A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER AND NICER than being drunk. Alcohol is a depressant, and too much makes you (sometimes violently) sick; I pretty much lost my taste for it in college when I overdid it (as usual it's more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it) and wound up worshiping the toilet for a week. Since that fateful experience I've tried the occasional drink and can't get past a sip or two without my stomach rebelling. Which probably saved me a fair amount of money over the decades, since alcohol is SO FRIGGIN' EXPENSIVE.

IN WHICH Mojo Wishes You Glad Tidings As the Season Indicates.

A few days ago, I parked in a rather busy parking lot at Costco. I sat in the car for a few minutes (I like to listen to the end of songs) and when I got out I realized some lady was SCREAMING abuse at someone. I don't THINK it was me--I was not conscious of doing anything that might have pissed someone off--and when I looked around I couldn't see anyone hopping around or shaking their fists at me. Whoever it was, they sounded like they were a fair distance off, or safely in a car somewhere, and it was a large lot. I began walking away, and the screaming got momentarily louder (again, I couldn't tell, but I was pretty sure it wasn't directed at me), and as I walked away there was one final, especially-loudly-shrieked epithet: "WITCH!" Which (no pun intended) amused me.

I figured if it were directed at me (and if it was, I was clueless as to what I had done, and not sure why such an enraged person didn't just come at me swinging) this ANGRY person would follow me into Costco and accost-co me as I loaded my cart with hundreds of pounds of dog food. ('Tis the season.) In fact, I had just seen a FUTURAMA episode in which an aggressive woman almost challenged mutant star of the show Turanga Leela to what she called a "Denny's fight", which made me laugh at the time, for I had not heard the term before. The Christmas screamfest in the Costco parking lot had all the earmarks of said "Denny's fight", although the only Denny's in town is a good half mile or so away. (This same episode also introduced me to the equally humorous term "hooter hammock", describing a type of, uh, let's call it a "bathing suit".)

In Defense of Jim Theis: the Prelude

HangerWhen Mojo was a wee lass--and here I mean VERY wee, preschool Mojo--one of her All Important Jobs on laundry day was to go to all the closets in the house and collect all the unused wire hangers. I would bring them down to my laundry-folding (or perhaps ironing) Favorite Mother, who would praise me effusively for my incredibly helpful help.

Pages

Subscribe to Mojo's Craptacular RSS