These horrific bum fights are turning into a weekly event! Avert your eyes from the bloodshed!

So Mojo's been going through some minor ordeals lately. To be blunt, an elderly relative is now in hospice, and taking their sweet time about it all. I don't begrudge him that, though the strain on his nearest and dearest after more than a MONTH of this waiting stuff is becoming quite palpable. He just turned 95 this weekend, but I can't say it was really enthusiastically celebrated.

Gosh, Mojo hasn’t waded through her email lately. Let’s do this one quickly, shall we? Realizing, of course, that "quickly" in Mojo-speak means you should cancel all your upcoming appointments for the next hour.

I won’t give the poor person’s name, assuming it is a real name of a real person and not just some spambot name to inspire trust in other, bogus, human beings. And I debated back and forth before ultimately deciding not to publish the domain the email comes from. Rest assured I have read through the entire site, and Mojo is Not Impressed. Suffice to say a bunch of kids, perhaps high school chums, decided—after a few years doing the freelance grind—that they could conceivably make more of that fabulous munny if they cut out that pesky middleman and solicited jobs that went directly to THEM.

However, the way they’re going about it is so, so wrong. That’s what the pesky middleman is FOR, kids: to solicit business in the professional manner you so sorely lack. Granted, your site DOES have that “hey, kids, let’s put on a SHOW!” feeling, which clashes SO UTTERLY and COMPLETELY with your concurrent stab at pretending you are, like, WAY PROFESSIONAL. Pick one or the other, kids. I’d personally advise you NOT to go with the “We’re like, WAY PROFESSIONAL” line, because if you are, you suck so very, very badly at it.

What's that, you say, young Mojo fan? Your horrifically cruel English teacher is making you read Steinbeck? Yeah, he's a light-hearted load of laffs, that one! Just GREAT to read when you're an angst-ridden teen wondering if life is indeed worth living. (Spoiler alert: It generally IS, although there WILL be some sucky spots.)

To help you in your quest to at least APPEAR to be well-read and intellectual 'n' stuff, I offer you this VIDEO study guide of Steinbeck's THE RED PONY. No need to thank me profusely; just pay it forward...

Mojo

Oh, my. Eleanor Abernathy is SO OBSCURE you just KNOW you're gonna have to Google her. Unless you're one of the WAY COOL people who already know who she is, but let's face it: if you're THAT cool you're probably not reading the Craptacular.

In case you've missed it all, you can read PART 1 over HERE. And then you'll need to read PART 2, which is HERE. If you slog through those, you are now worthy to read the following: