Submitted by mojo on
Did I miss the local news story that advocates handing out wind chimes to the unemployed? Must have been right after the Seinfeld people handed out puffy pirate shirts to the homeless. Well, my gain is your extra-special gain, assuming you like wind chimes. And since the box claims they manufacture "the world's favorite windchime" (sic), if you like wind chimes chances are you'll REALLY like these.
There's a lovely picture on the box of a couple of Adirondack chairs overlooking a lake. I don't know what they have to do with wind chimes, but there are more pictures of Adirondack chairs on this box than the chimes. The box claims the chimes are 27" long, even though the box itself is only about 15 inches long. I guess the added length must come from the little wooden wind-catching paddle hanging down below the chimes on a piece of string. (Oooh, excuse me, if you read the box you'll discover it's a heavy-duty, coated NYLON string. Now THERE's a selling point! Nylon is like SO New Agey!)
They are the "Chimes of Pluto". I don't see any paper-maché replica of the solar system like we made when we were kids, nor an orange Disney dog, so I'm not exactly sure where they got that name. If it's indeed Pluto the planet, I'd just as soon stay away from these chimes, since my guess is Pluto's a barren frozen rock hurtling through the twilight corners of our solar system. Pluto the planet cannot be a particularly pleasant nor relaxing place to be at all, even WITH an Adirondack chair. I'm guessing you'd freeze to death in a matter of seconds, unless of course the total lack of atmosphere (and I mean that in the scientific gaseous sense, not the planet's decor) gets to you first. If, on the other hand, they are somehow connected to the cartoon dog, I shudder to think how the "wind" part of "windchimes" (sic) might figure into the logic of this particular trademark.
I don't care enough to bother doing a search to see if, for example, the same company might put out, say, the Windchimes of Scooby-Doo, or (my personally favorite free association) the Windchimes of Uranus. The box says it's "A beautiful windchime, hand tuned for superior musical performance". I don't know about that, for I haven't bothered opening the box much less setting them up. If you shake the box real hard you do hear a metallic clanking, so there's something in there. That is all I can guarantee. So if you want that something, here's your chance! Bid away, my chimey friends, and They Could Be Yours! This lovely unopened box is approximately 15" X 6.25". I'm therefore GUESSING and ASSUMING the longest tube of said "Chimes of Pluto" will be about 15" long. YMMV when you finally open it up. And we all know what happens when we assume....
Mojo's Holiday Craptacular....
"The Gifts that Keep on Being Given"
(dead poinsettia not included)
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