Think You Got What It Takes?

If you think you've got an item worthy of the Craptacular name, you are welcome to submit it for possible consideration.

Let's make one thing perfectly clear: I am NOT INTERESTED in selling off Aunt Bertha's entire estate. I am NOT interested in VOLUME sales. I am NOT interested in warehouses full of hatpins and empty soda bottles. And, strange as it may sound, I'm really NOT interested in "stunt" auctions, such as selling really outrageously disgusting things, or images of Jesus, Elvis and the Virgin Mary appearing on some duct tape residue playing Texas Hold'em. For the most part, I think those things are just kinda sad.

I can really only do ONE item a day. Any more, and the quality of the descriptions will suffer horribly, and it will get to be a nasty chore instead of fun. I don't want that, and neither should you. The Craptacular should always be FUN.

I'm looking for items of SOME value--not diamonds or cars, perhaps (though I might not say "no", depending on the story behind them), but something more substantial than, say, a candy bar or a bank pen you swiped. What I am REALLY interested in is the story behind the item. So write me and tell me stuff about it. Why was it given to you? Who are the personalities involved? Why would you ever want to part with such a lovely thing? What makes this gift so extra-darn special you feel it should belong forever in the Craptacular Canon and not, say, merely shot from a cannon?

Drop me an email describing your item. Just one item per email please, so I can keep things straight. (Remember, despite my intellectual pretensions you're not exactly dealing with a rocket scientist, here.) If I don't want to bother, I'll email you back and gently reject you. If it's intriguing enough, I'll express interest and we'll take it from there.

My fees are as follows: 50% of the winning, paid bid. This isn't negotiable, so don't bother trying. Yes, I KNOW many people charge far less, blah, blah, blah. If you just want items listed to sell them and get them out of your life, do it yourself, or hire one of the gazillion "Trading Assistants" eBay offers.

Again, using simple words: I AM NOT DOING THIS TO SERIOUSLY MAKE MONEY. I AM DOING THIS FOR FUN and ENTERTAINMENT. Fifty percent, I feel, is not too much to ask for a decent item description. As an hourly rate, it's pretty poor, especially since many things don't sell for much.

The Craptacular will ALWAYS and ONLY be for TRULY SPECIAL things worthy of the Craptacular name. It does NOT exist just 'cuz people are too lazy to take a trip to the dump. I have better things to do with my life, and so should you. If you don't have better things, for heaven's sake get a hobby!

But if you think you've got something truly special--something worth the effort just to see its name up in lights--give it a shot. Chances are I'll horribly reject you, just as everyone else has, because I'm really, really busy. But if your tale of woe and yearning and bitter disappointment really makes me laugh out loud, you may be hearing from me ..... Maybe. We'll see. Don't count on it. But we won't know until you try, huh?