Submitted by mojo on
"The latest advancement in genuine psychological stress reduction." That's what they say on the box. I'm starting to suspect, though, that it only really works if you bother to take it out of the box and hook it up. But let's be honest. Am I really going to sit down and use this? You should know me by now, people! I have no patience for—well, patience. Taking these pictures is the first time it's been out of the box. One of those things you'd like to take on, but everything's so busy and stressful you find you just don't have the time. Maybe you do, and you've been shopping around for one of these puppies. Boy are you in luck today!
This system includes a little walkman-type control unit that apparently blinks pretty colored diodes and apparently makes sounds depending on how stressed out you are. I can just see myself getting stressed when I find I can't change the lights and sounds quick enough to suit me. There's a pair of headphones so you don't annoy other people with those sounds (and to hide the fact that the system will start shrieking like a banshee when your inlaws enter the room). There's a sensor that plugs into the control unit and straps to your hand, and a little carrying case so you will look like you carry a purse. Learn how to skip and dance around some flowers and the transformation will be complete.
There's also a CD-ROM of some sort of software as well as a hook-up cable for a PC (NOT a Mac!). Apparently this lets you play some sort of video games where you control things with your brain using the sensors, but since I've never tried it I have no idea if it works or if it's fun or just lame. The CD is entitled "Mental Games". The box is a little banged up and creased on one side but otherwise quite serviceable, so you may or may not get away with regifting it, depending on how picky your recipient is. I've purchased new things in worser-looking boxes myself, so YMMV, but it's not pristine if you are some sort of obsessive biofeedback device collector.
Bid away, my friends, and take my advice—I'm guessing it will work better for you if you actually use it. And if you can use it, take it!
What is Mojo's Craptacular?
I will make this short and sweet. People often give me things I have no use for, and I am too polite to scream "What were you THINKING?" right in their face like any sane, rational person would do. So I smile and nod and thank them, and throw it in a corner of my house and privately mutter things about the giver behind their back.Until one day I thought, why should I keep my snarky thoughts to myself? It's much more cathartic to crab about my pathetic life to a group of total strangers on the internet! And if I can foist off some of this crap sitting around my house, so much the better!
Last year I held my first Holiday Craptacular, and it proved to be fun enough to warrant a repeat. My family celebrated Christmas 'way late this year, so the holiday no longer really applies, but I figure I'll get a start on Spring Cleaning and beat all the other Ebayers to the punch on this important holiday.
So why should you buy this stuff, when you can just as easily get most of it at your local mall? Two reasons. First, there's no reserve on any of it. For all I know you might get something you really, really want for little more than the cost of S&H. Second, we're talking major regifting possibilities here. And if there's anything more fun than giving people gifts, it has to be giving people you secretly dislike gifts that are just borderline acceptable. You can have hours of fun watching their faces as they feign pleasure at your apparent thoughtfulness. You will drive them nuts wondering if your gift was a joke, or if you are indeed THAT lacking in taste and/or common sense. See? Everyone wins. Well, not people who lose the auctions, but you winning people will win. And that's the American Way.
Each Craptacular item comes complete with an official, signed Certificate of Craptacularity, perfect for framing or starting fires. It will also come with a copy of this professionally-crafted product description (for posterity's sake). So happy bidding, happy regifting, have fun, and enjoy the all-new Craptacular! Marginally bigger and marginally better than ever.
"The Gifts that Keep on Being Given"
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