Soccer-Themed Fleece Blanket

How can I say this? I will just say it. My husband HATES organized sports, of all kinds. I mean, really, really hates them. Hate with a capital "H". Hates, hates, hates. He don't like them, 'kay? While no great lover of sports myself, I don't out and out HATE them quite as much as he does. In fact, with both of my parents as Penn State grads, I used to have a mild interest in American football. No more. Whenever I tried to watch a game early on (we're talking about twenty years ago) my husband would indulge in a running commentary on how much he hates sports and how-come-they-pay-adults-such-obscene-amounts-of-money-to-play-a-game until it just became easier for me to stop watching. Rest assured, oh horrified ones, if I really CARED about football I would have continued watching and he would have ultimately learned to deal with it, but I was never THAT wild about it. Eh. Compromise. It's a Good Thing. So my husband's parents, in their infinite wisdom, somehow decide that the perfect gift for us this holiday season is...a fleece blanket totally covered with soccer balls and the words "GOAL!" and "SCORE!" written all over it. Why, you ask? I have no idea. I don't think I've ever once gave a passing mention to my vague once-upon-a-time interest in football, so they wouldn't have confused American football with European football (aka soccer). I assume "Penn State" and/or "Joe Paterno" means nothing to them, even though it was a steady part of my childhood, especially around the bowl game/holiday time. My guess is they don't even realize outside of the US certain small backwards countries call soccer "football" just to confuse it with "real" football. My inlaws don't watch sports themselves, not one tiny bit. I'm sure my husband has subjected them to his anti-organized-sports rant at least once in their lifetime. So why they think a soccer blankie throw is a thoughtful gift for us is beyond my comprehension. But here ya go. I can't be bothered to measure it, but I'm guessing it's about five feet square, so it won't even cover you that good. Our minor inconvenience is your big chance to have the rather small blue soccer blankie of your dreams.

What is Mojo's Craptacular?

I will make this short and sweet. People often give me things I have no use for, and I am too polite to scream "What were you THINKING?" right in their face like any sane, rational person would do. So I smile and nod and thank them, and throw it in a corner of my house and privately mutter things about the giver behind their back.Until one day I thought, why should I keep my snarky thoughts to myself? It's much more cathartic to crab about my pathetic life to a group of total strangers on the internet! And if I can foist off some of this crap sitting around my house, so much the better! Last year I held my first Holiday Craptacular, and it proved to be fun enough to warrant a repeat. My family celebrated Christmas 'way late this year, so the holiday no longer really applies, but I figure I'll get a start on Spring Cleaning and beat all the other Ebayers to the punch on this important holiday. So why should you buy this stuff, when you can just as easily get most of it at your local mall? Two reasons. First, there's no reserve on any of it. For all I know you might get something you really, really want for little more than the cost of S&H. Second, we're talking major regifting possibilities here. And if there's anything more fun than giving people gifts, it has to be giving people you secretly dislike gifts that are just borderline acceptable. You can have hours of fun watching their faces as they feign pleasure at your apparent thoughtfulness. You will drive them nuts wondering if your gift was a joke, or if you are indeed THAT lacking in taste and/or common sense. See? Everyone wins. Well, not people who lose the auctions, but you winning people will win. And that's the American Way. Each Craptacular item comes complete with an official, signed Certificate of Craptacularity, perfect for framing or starting fires. It will also come with a copy of this professionally-crafted product description (for posterity's sake). So happy bidding, happy regifting, have fun, and enjoy the all-new Craptacular! Marginally bigger and marginally better than ever.

Mojo's Craptacular....

"The Gifts that Keep on Being Given"