Craptacular Revisited

I've been working on the product descriptions for my Holiday Craptacular. I'm almost done. I hope people take it in the spirit it is intended, but who knows. Like Bette Midler says about people who can't take a joke. Still I rather hope morons who don't get it don't start lecturing me. Oooooh, yes, please, random stranger, I've been just WAITING for you to stop by and lecture me so I can change my life to suit your preferences!

Reminds me of one time years ago when I went to a friend's baby shower. In addition to the usual nice gifts I gave the expectant mother a set of cheap steak knives I labeled "baby toys". My friend laughed her butt off, but one of her older relatives who did not know me got very upset. She cornered me later on and demanded to know why I had done that.

I was completely taken aback and tried to explain, but let's face it, you can't really explain jokes; either the person gets it or they don't. She became very angry with me and proceeded to explain in tiny words exactly why you can't give knives as playthings to infants.

I realize now what I did not think of then: that some women have what I call "Shower Brain" (a variation of "Wedding Brain"), meaing it is a Tradition You Do Not Tamper With No Matter What. These women are all for "fun" so long as it is Traditional Shower Fun, but HEAVEN help those who break with tradition and suggest something new. So humiliating headgear made out of ribbons and paper plates is okay. Non-traditional gifts (okay, so I ALSO gave the mom-to-be a giant plastic Orca about two feet long) is NOT.

At some point in the lecture I lost patience with the poor woman (Oh, dear, I think now, poor innocent Younger Mojo, do not try to reason with a woman suffering from Shower Brain! No, no, dear Younger Mojo, don't say it!) and told her if my friend was stupid enough to actually give the knives to her baby to play with I considered that Darwin in action and mankind would probably be better off with that particular gene pool dried up anyway.

Ouch. She sorta kinda went a little ballistic over that. All that did was convince her I was actively desirous to physically harm the baby, which did not improve her mood one tiny bit. Finally all I could do was apologize profusely and thank her for the invaluable knowledge that babies and steak knives don't mix.

So let this be a lesson to everyone out there. I was apparently ignorant and misinformed. Steak knives do NOT make good baby toys. One of those life lessons, huh?