(...And Just What IS Mojo's Craptacular?)

If you have to ask, you're probably in the wrong place. And if you like unicorns and rainbows and skipping through dewy meadows, I'd advise you to leave, before you get traumatized too much. For the brave few that remain, every now and then Mojo's Craptacular is that thin ray of sunshine in your otherwise drab and pathetic life.

The Craptacular explores the concept of eBay as an entertainment medium. Think of it as a particularly snarky home shopping show, only without those annoying D-list soon-to-be-ex celebrities wringing out the last few seconds from the damp dishrag of their career. (Apparently even desperate-for-attention D-list soon-to-be-ex celebrities have their standards, and Mojo's Craptacular ain't one of 'em.)

Here on the Crap-TRACK-ular you can keep track of the Crap. You can read the entire Craptacular oeuvre (you see, here on the Craptacular we are extra-special-smart, so we use words like that to prove it), vote for your favorites, talk about crap and waste valuable time that could have been spent on more productive endeavors. Proud Crap owners may stop by with updates. And people who wish to submit their crap for consideration can find out how to do it.

Everything you see here is (or, more likely, was) for sale on eBay, but the Craptacular is more for FUN than Filthy Lucre. (Not that I'm against making money, but I'm willing to take it in tiny dribs and drabs through hard work and community service as nature intended, and not on some "stunt" auction where I try to sell you a grilled cheese sandwich for several thousand dollars.) It's a good old-fashioned Good Time. I like to think of it as a Viking Funeral for some special item that deserves so much more than just a listing on eBay. When something worthy of the Craptacular name goes up for auction, terrible, terrible fun is poked at many things: the item itself, the people who gave me it, the people who may end up buying it, my family, friends, life in general and that total stranger who just now looked at me funny on the street. It's all fair game, and if you're foolish enough to get involved, be prepared for some verbal abuse. Making fun of stuff makes Mojo feel pathetically superior, and gives meaning to her otherwise dull-as-dirt existence.

But it's all in good fun. I don't really mean half the stuff I say. (Most of the time, anyway. Except when it comes to stuff about you.) But it IS all true, in case you think I'm making stuff up. My life really *IS* that dull. My siblings, inlaws, friends, etc. are all real people, and they really are that thoughtless and cruel. So have pity on me.

Each Craptacular item comes complete with an official, signed Certificate of Craptacularity, perfect for framing or starting fires. It will also come with a copy of its professionally-crafted product description (for posterity's sake). So happy bidding, happy regifting, have fun, and enjoy Mojo's Craptacular! Marginally bigger and marginally better than ever.