Animal Horn Bird Sculptures!

Mojo has just received an infusion of crap from her sainted Favorite Mother, who, despite Mojo's constant libels on the Craptacular and the mojocrap blog, continues to count Mojo as one of her four children, albeit the Forgotten Middle Child. All communications with the Favorite Parental Units seem to indicate that Mojo is still in the will, which frankly somewhat surprises Mojo, but she is smart enough not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Perhaps because Mojo, unlike all the other siblings, has actually taken it upon herself to find a bagpipe player and has already commissioned said unfortunate acquaintance to play at her Favorite Mother's funeral when that unhappy time should come to pass. (My mother was actually there when I proposed the scheme, and what's the poor bagpipe player to do when face to face with Mojo's Mother and asked if she will play at her funeral? Say "No" right to the someday-deceased's face? I don't think so! So Mom has her bagpipe player and Mojo remains in her Mother's Good Graces. Whoohoo!) So Mojo has agreed to sell some of her Favorite Mother's crap on eBay, in the hopes of worming her way even further into her Favorite Mother's good graces at the expense of Certain Lesser, Uncaring Siblings.

Loyal Craptacular readers know already that Mojo's mother is a quilter--a very good quilter, although right now if Mojo says that it sounds like she is sucking up to her Favorite Mother when really she honestly believes this--and as such she (and by "she" I mean Mojo's Mother and not Mojo herself) collects fabrics and knick-knacks and other things foisted upon her by her loving if somewhat taste-challenged progeny. Recently Mojo's Favorite Older Sister shouldered the thankless task of helping our Favorite Mother clean out the Fabric Room, which used to be the Favorite Older Sister's room, and later the Favorite Younger Sister's room. Any evidence that any of Mojo's family ever used this room was eventually blotted out by bolts and bolts of fabric, shelves, sewing machines, plastic containers full of thread, various quilting hoops and frames, ribbons and trophies won (told you she was good), and other accumulated detritus of a quilter's life. As Mojo has said before, if you know any quilters you know immediately what I am talking about. And if you don't know any quilters you are probably too boring to be of interest to Mojo, as much as she pretends to be polite to your face.

(Let the record now show that Mojo would have gladly lent a hand in the cleaning proceedings, but she has a cold and did not want to spread her germs to her Loved Ones. That's her excuse and she's sticking with it. She is now pretty much over her cold, except for her traditional cough-until-she-pukes stage, so thank you SO MUCH for your obvious concern for my welfare. Sorry. Mojo is just indulging in some self-pity for having a cold in the middle of summer. But I shouldn't burden you with my troubles, should I? Heaven forefend!)

Anyway, two of the things Mojo's Favorite Mother has collected over the years are owls and sheep. I don't know why. I don't know if this was something she herself has chosen, or if they were just foisted upon her by her poverty-stricken children until it became some sort of weird tradition. All I know is, Mojo's Mother no longer WANTS her owl and sheep collection (imagine that!) and so suddenly Mojo is awash with a plethora of knicky-knacky things she has absolutely no use for.

But before we get into the Owl and Sheep Collection proper, Mojo will begin with what she is calling the Weird Bird Collection. These are things which are obviously birds but not necessarily owls, at least not in the sense that Mojo can identify them as owls. They are just odd bird-themed things that Mom has recently uncovered from her fabric room and decided she can part with them. And as usual, our disdain is your big gain if you are into these things.

First up is a collection of bird sculptures which I THINK came from several of my dad's trips to Hong Kong and Taiwan when I was a wee lass. These birds are carved out of some sort of animal horn. That is all I know about them. We thought they were intriguing and cool when Dad brought them home in the Seventies, but now the appeal has waned and these birds are looking for a new home. The largest one is about eight inches tall and ten inches long. The two shorter ones are both over five inches tall. Again, I believe they are made out of animal horn of some sort. The smaller birds have wire for legs. They were made somewhere in Asia. Don't ask me where.

Along with this flock of birds you will get the Certificate of Craptacularity, which you can use to paper their cage. Hopefully you won't need it. If you do need it, I'd say you have a bonafide miracle on your hands and these birds would be worth much more than what you probably paid for them. Or else you're fibbing. Mojo is not easily taken in by such things, but if you can convince some chuckleheaded rube that these birds are alive, well, Mojo does not want to be held responsible for another Piltdown fiasco. You're on your own, you hear? And if you don't know what Mojo means by Piltdown, then yes, these are magical birds and they are probably worth millions, though if you were to Google the word "Piltdown" then I will just chuckle and say it was a joke all along. Ha ha hah ah ha. My, Mojo's a funny one. Piltdown. Heh.