Loyal Craptacular readers know Mojo is not one to gush. Instead she enjoys picking things apart and finding hidden faults and crowing about them in public. For some odd reason Mojo's friends, if it can be said she has any, tend to react badly to this endearing quality, but as Mojo likes to point out, she does it with Love and Respect. Because Mojo loves and respects herself, you see, and when she criticizes others it makes her feel even better about herself. Which is all-important for her fragile Self-Esteem.
And yet Mojo is not without the occasional appreciation for true greatness, even if she is not always the cause of it. It's all part and parcel of how gosh-darned magnanimous she is. Unfortunately often if Mojo decides something is great, it's pretty much guaranteed to be the kiss of death and it is soon destined for the popular culture slag heap, since for some reason commercial viability has little if anything to do with whether or not something is well-designed or quality-constructed or even just gives you a shot of happy endorphins when one sees it. So Mojo commands all of you to treasure those little shots when you find them, for they are short-lived (and I'm sorry, "short-lived" is pronounced with a LONG "I" and always will not matter what concessions the dictionaries are now making) and fleeting and gather-ye-rosebuds-while-ye-may sort of things, nd she knows from her own sorry life experiences if she really truly likes something, rest assured the rest of the world is all "eh" about it. And when the whole world is on fire about something more likely than not Mojo checks it out and thinks, "So?"
Take these little guys. I will never forget seeing these on The Today Show about five or six years ago as part of their fluffy stuff--some sort of "gifts for expectant mothers" segment or whatever. They are puppet bath mitts for babies. I saw them and my jaw dropped and my heart sang and I jumped on line and ordered a few sets before they even broke for commercial. I knew some pregnant people, then, and I loved these sooooo much and I was utterly certain they would soon be all the rage. I gave away one set and kept one for myself (because if anything Mojo is extraordinarily greedy, too). A month or so after I bought them I had the need to get someone else a baby gift and instead of parting with my set I went on line to buy more and... I Could Not Find Them. They had disappeared.
Why? WHY? I think they are the CUTEST THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN. If there was some sort of safety recall I am not aware of it. Then again, I don't exactly keep tabs on such things, either. My only other theory is that the exposure on the Today Show was more than the manufacturer could handle and they just plumb ran out of them. Whatever the reason, I couldn't get them anywhere anymore and I resolved then and there to keep my set for my own greedy self and just buy the new baby some onesies or some other lame-o baby shower gift.
Fast forward five or six years. Mojo has still hung onto her precious bath mitts like grim death, and why? She has never used them. Despite her intention to only have fun in her life she is unfortunately mature enough to realize she is NEVER going to use them on herself, not even in the privacy of her own tub. She just can't bring herself to do it. She doesn't particularly care what her Favorite Husband might say, for if he says anything snide it will only be for a moment or two and then he will accept his wife's idiosyncrasies with the same calm shrug he has always employed. No, something in Mojo herself will not let her use these without the excuse that they are there for a small child.
Isn't that depressing? Once again Mojo's issues are your big gain as she now offers these new, unused puppet bath mitts for your enjoyment. There are three--a set of pigs, a set of ducks, and a set of dragons. I'm not sure why they thought dragons would make a swell playtime bathtime pal for your baby, but they are all so awful cute I just ignore that part and play along. You get all three terry-cloth bath mitts--and every once in a while I look for these and I STILL can't find them--plus the Certificate of Craptacularity, which should not go anywhere near the bath tub or it will get soggy and fall apart. And together we will create such a DEMAND for these adorable little guys the manufacturer will someday bring them back. That is Mojo's dream. Oh, sure, other people might be plumping for world peace or an end to hunger, but Mojo is willing to settle for cute bath mitts. Sad, huh?