Ice Age VHS Tape NIB!

Mojo has had several Brushes With Greatness in her varied life. This despite her remarkable inability to recognize people, a tendency that causes her occasional embarrassment. It's not so bad in the movies, for the celebrities there are not sentient and Mojo can always whisper to her Favorite Husband: "Is that so-and-so from this or that television show?" whereupon he will tell her, "No, you imbecile, that's who-gee-foo from such-and-such." Whereupon Mojo squints bemusedly at the screen and says, "Yeah, I guess so..." Assuming he remembers the name, that is, for Mojo's Favorite Husband cannot remember names. So the two of them often engage in this weird mind-reading quiz interaction in which Mojo starts naming names and television shows or movies and her Favorite Husband is going "No, that's not it..." and then after ten or fifteen minutes it slowly comes around like a bad comedy routine and it turns out it IS that person. Hey, it works for them, and it keeps them communicating with one another, which is important in any relationship, and they are polite enough to whisper instead of ruining the movie experience for their neighbors by doing this very loudly and rudely, which is how SOME people do it.

If the famous person speaks enough Mojo can usually recognize their voice--she is very good with voices and can often name a celebrity voiceover within an sentence or two (assuming she knows and likes the celebrity, that is; I mean, should someone like Brittany Spears or an alligator farmer change careers and go into voiceovers Mojo would not have the foggiest notion who that person is)--but she has trouble identifying faces. For many years she thought it was just HER until she happened to read a book by Jane Goodall (a person Mojo much admires to the point where she can almost recognize her out of a lineup so long as she doesn't cut her hair) and Ms. Goodall admitted to the same problem. And since Ms. Goodall hobnobs with a finer class of people than Mojo (who tends to hang out with bums and derelicts) she happened to mention it to Dr. Oliver Sacks who went on at length about it and gave it a scientific name Mojo has since forgotten, but it boils down to an inability to recognize faces, which is what Mojo has. Mojo has trouble picking out people from group shots in their high school year books, even if she knows them really well. She cannot see family resemblances. And if she does not know someone well enough she will not remember them five minutes after she met them. So if you introduce yourself to Mojo and then beat a quick retreat (a surprisingly common phenomenon, one Mojo is still puzzling out) and then RE-introduce yourself five minutes later and start talking like you know her Mojo will have to pretend she knows you until she figures it out. If you are wearing distinctive clothing it helps Mojo, for she will immediately classify you as "Blue Dress Lady" or "Ugly Tie Man" but if you were to change clothes in the interim you will throw her for a complete loop.

Perhaps Mojo's weirdest Brush With Greatness was when she was out on a business trip and the company put her up in some swanky hotel in Nashville. Mojo has very little interest in commercial country music and wouldn't know anyone anyway, above and beyond her basic inability to recognize people. (Nor would she know most athletes or NASCAR drivers or professional wrestlers or alligator farmers, for that matter. So don't take it personally.) Anyway, Mojo was waiting in the lobby for the business people to pick her up and this guy walks by in a sequiny cowboy suit and pancake makeup like you could peel off his face. Due to her hearty New England upbringing Mojo does not openly stare but she watched this man approach and when she finally settled on the guy's face he was looking right at her and the two of them made eye contact. Mojo was careful not to make any sort of expression on her proper New England deadpan above and beyond the noncommittal polite nod. Whereupon the man gave her a smile and a sort of knowing nod like, "Yes, pathetic minion, it is indeed ME, and believe me it thrills me that I have the ability to thus make your day" and he walked on. Whereas Mojo did in fact NOT recognize him, did not know him from Adam, and instead was quietly thinking to herself in her charming New England way, "Who in their right mind would EVER want to appear in public dressed like that?" (Because We Don't Do That Here, outside of an amusement park.) Mojo then began looking around for Candid Camera cameras since she thought it must be some sort of lame joke and Mojo did not want to be known to the world like that poor lady in curlers forever caught on tape staring at Mary Tyler Moore as she spun around in the middle of a busy intersection throwing her hat.

Anyway, what Mojo lacks in her own abilities she makes up by latching onto the coat-tails of more talented individuals, many of whom it turns out are related to her, so even when Mojo uses them and sucks them dry and casts them aside they are still obligated to buy her gifts on the holidays. Many of her relatives, for example, are animators, which assures Mojo an unending supply of free second- or third-hand movies and Emmy nomination tapes and other perks of the industry. For many movies or TV shows are not worth investing in satellite television (Mojo lives so far out in the sticks cable is out of the question) or seeing in the theatres or even renting at the video store, but if there is nothing else to watch Mojo can sit through almost anything, even if it has "FOR YOUR EMMY CONSIDERATION" crawling along the bottom the entire time. But I digress.

Anyway, somewhere somehow Mojo was given a VHS tape of the movie Ice Age, which Mojo saw in the theatres mostly because a relative worked on it and in fact her beloved nephew's name appears in the closing credits as one of the babies born during its production. In fact Mojo made her Favorite Husband sit through all the credits just to see that, even though the only people left in the theatre were the poor schmoes cleaning up after the kiddies. Mojo's Favorite Husband is one of those tolerant indulgent people who does stuff like that without complaining. Unlike Mojo, who complains every chance she gets when she is not asking him to identify Ingrid Bergman or what something smells like (since Mojo, as we all know by now, is anosmic to boot).

Anyway, Mojo already has the DVD of Ice Age and has no idea who gave this to her or why. It could be the person who worked on it gave it to her as a gift and a symbol of love and appreciation, or obligation. Or it could be a present from her Favorite Parents, who likewise keep her awash with various movies they feel Mojo will appreciate. Mojo does not remember. All she knows is, she doesn't really care and would like to unload it so she can continue cleaning out her house. It has not been opened. It comes with the much-storied and ballyhooed Certificate of Craptacularity, of course. It also comes awash with that aura of Brush With Greatness, since at the very least it has been in the same room with one of the animators who worked on it. Whoa. Heavy. And if you ever meet Mojo in person, remember to be kind to her, since she won't know who you are even if you just spoke to her five minutes before. All geniuses have their curse, I suppose, and seeing how some drink themselves into oblivion or do drugs or whatnot Mojo is fine with her minor curse and can think of far worse things that could happen to her. Like not selling this tape. So buy it from her, kind eBayer, and keep the gods smiling upon her. Thank you.