Mojo's Obligatory Christmas Post (About Two Weeks Late)



So at some point in the holiday season, Mojo and her Favorite Husband are channel-surfing. Or, rather, HE is channel surfing, while a tolerant and loving Mojo pretends the changing channels every ten seconds isn't driving her, step by step, closer to insanity. Anyway, we had just decided to give up and watch a DVD movie (we only have maybe six working channels, so it doesn't take long) when we stumbled upon a showing of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Which we started watching, because, well, RUDOLPH. As terribly bad as it is as an adult, at some point each year you just HAVE to watch Rudolph.

Anyway, it's fairly early on in the program--before any nonconformists decide to run away from the apparently cruel dictatorship Santa runs up there--and the elves are practicing singing in front of Santa and Mrs. Claus. And it's the first time I realize just how incredibly RUDE Santa is to his elves. I mean, I've always kind of expected it, because as jolly as elves are always depicted as being (except for the grumpy Lord of the Rings elves, who seem to go around bearing grudges and killing people, and they're led by Agent Smith from the Matrix), I've always kind of thought, even as a child, that it was some form of child/slave labor and making toys all day might not be the glorious occupation a small child might originally imagine.

(Perhaps some of this childish cynicism was due to Wee Lass Mojo actually being a toy tester for the Milton Bradley Corporation, which sounds like SUCH A COOL JOB when you first hear the words, but the sad actuality is, it is more of a TEDIOUS SLOG than anything really resembling FUN. You may click on the link if you want to read a longer description of THAT. But once more I digress.)

Anyway, the poor elves take time out of their busy lives making toys to regale Santa with music. And how does Santa thank them? Does he even PRETEND to like it, as parents pretend to like the godawful concerts and plays their children participate in? NO! Santa very obviously and explicitly states he would much rather be SOMEWHERE ELSE--inspecting the LIVESTOCK, no less. Yes, elves, even though you are singing "for Santa!" you might as well be staging bum fights for all he cares about you.

So for the whole song, Santa is totally SLOUCHED IN HIS CHAIR, looking out the window, and can only say "It needs work" before bolting from the room. To which I kept waiting for the elves to stop singing mid-song and say, "Uh, we're STANDING RIGHT HERE, Santa!" instead of putting up with this crap.

TL;DR version: it totally SUCKS to be an elf.

Don't believe me? Thanks to the glories of YouTube, WE HAVE PROOF of Santa's being a total jerk right here. Take it away, beloved childhood classic: