Submitted by mojo on
So for those of you who have been paying attention, Mojo has recently indulged in purchasing a small set of kitchen cabinets ONLINE. This is in and of itself a miracle that now takes place in Mojo's lifetime: after doing my own measuring and designing and deciding (all online--okay, except the measuring part; that was done with a measuring tape in the kitchen itself), I ordered them and paid for them and had them delivered without ever having to leave the discomfort of my ripped-apart and cabinetless home.
Part of the deal was, I had to give them a phone number so the shipping company could reach me when it was time to schedule a delivery. So I gave them my cell phone number, and hoped I wouldn't start getting a bunch of spam texts and crap on my phone. It's been two weeks, and thus far the only time they've used the phone was when they scheduled the final delivery, and the person was nice enough, so that's cool. (For the record, while Mojo has a gloriously intricate smartphone, I HATE TELEPHONES and RARELY use it to actually TALK to someone. Answering a phone is TORTURE. But I digress.)
I pretty much did all of this myself. I tried to get the Favorite Husband involved, but aside from a cursory glance at the pretty pictures of the cabinets online he merely grunted and shrugged and was all like, "whatever". Until the day came for the delivery, that is. Oh, rest assured he was lounging about his work and *I* was the one at home waiting for the delivery. But at some point in the days leading up to it I happened to mention that the delivery was coming, but I couldn't tell if he was paying attention or not.
Of course, the freight company gave me a window of 11:00 am to 4:00 pm, which pretty much destroys the entire day. Plus, living WAAAAYYYY out in the sticks like I do, it's a pretty safe bet--though not 100%--that your stuff will be arriving in the last half hour of the delivery window. If you bet on it every time, you'd come out ahead in the long run, but not sure enough to risk running out for coffee at 10:30 when you realize there's no coffee in the house.
So I am lumping around at home, coffeeless, awaiting the delivery, while the Favorite Husband is hard at work at wherever the hell he works. (I'm sure he had coffee there, the bastid. They have one of those stupidly trendy Keurig things with the wasteful little cups. Somehow some marketer somewhere--probably the same person promoting Whole Foods as some sort of mecca of health instead of just overpriced processed crap like you get anywhere else--has convinced a similar herd of clueless Yuppies with too much money and not enough brains on their hands that über-expensive instant coffee that requires special equipment to work is WAY BETTER than fresh.) And late in the morning, the Favorite Husband calls me. He NEVER calls me when he's at work unless it's something important, so when I answer the phone (his name shows up) instead of trilling loving sentiments my greeting is usually a loving but terse "Hi, what's wrong?" As for me, I was slightly disappointed that it was HIM and not the delivery people asking me if I was ready for them to show up in the next two minutes, but eh. I like talking to my husband, too. I'd rather talk to him than MOST people.
"You said the cabinets are being delivered today, right?" he asked.
"Yes," I affirmed, marveling a bit that he remembered. He's the sort that doesn't.
"Well, they just called me here at work. They said the plumber couldn't make it today."
This was WAY CONFUSING. "But I don't NEED a plumber," I said. "I didn't ORDER a plumber. I just ordered CABINETS."
"Well, THEY seem to think we want a plumber, too."
By this time, my brain was catching up to the conversation. "Wait a minute. I only gave them MY cell phone. How did they get YOUR WORK number?"
"I don't know. All I know is, the person asked me if we were getting cabinets delivered today, and when I said yes they warned me the plumber wasn't coming today. We're getting a sink put into the new cabinets, aren't we?" (The Favorite Husband has been especially vocal in his grumbling about not having a kitchen sink anymore, the big baby.)
"Yes, but the plumbing is NBD. I'm doing it myself. Besides, I haven't bought the sink, yet."
"Well, all I know is, Lowes just called me to tell me the cabinets are coming but the plumber isn't."
"I didn't buy the cabinets at Lowes. They're special orders from the Home Despot. And I didn't order a plumber; I'm doing it myself. Who would order a plumber online, anyway?" It's one thing to buy cabinets or spark plugs, but a person? Mojo would like to meet someone first, BEFORE they show up unannounced on her doorstep. Preferably through mutual trusted acquaintances, NOT through someone contracted by a discount hardware chain.
So after a little more back-and-forth banter, we determined that whoever called him at work must have had the wrong number. But it just SO HAPPENED they called on the very day we were anticipating having special-ordered cabinets delivered to the house. And asked about our cabinet delivery. Anyway, the bemused Favorite Husband gave them my number--thanks LOADS for THAT, sweetums!--but they never called. I'm thinking either someone somewhere figured out they had the wrong people, or, as is often the case, the customer service rep just shrugged and said, "Eh, I called them. Did MY job."
Either way, Mojo is happily ensconced now in a ripped-apart house full of giant cardboard boxes that, from all outward appearances, match the number and shape of what I ordered. And someone, somewhere else, is cabinetless, and still waiting for their plumber...
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