This is Why Mojo Should Just Accept Things and Live in Squalor


So the Favorite Husband decided he wanted to rent a dumpster to get rid of various things--many inherited when we first purchased the property, over a DECADE ago. The outbuildings were filled with various types of useless junk--old lawn mowers, card tables, car parts, you name it--and we have added one or two items to the mix. The dump in this tiny small town is very limited in what they will take, and when. So dumpster it is!

Mojo is a laid-back and saintlike creature, so whenever the Favorite Husband gets an idea in his head she's all like "Fine; whatever." Besides which, due to recently acquiring a fairly new kitchen range I could now dispose of our old stove top and oven. I also had my eye on removing the nonfunctional dishwasher occupying some three feet of cabinet space. Storage space has always been at a premium, but since I had to destroy another whole three feet to accomodate the new range I was eager to reclaim what I could.

Another reason why I have been loathe to remove the dishwasher during the decade-plus we've owned the house is because of the decades of FILTH breeding under and behind it. Whoever did the kitchen cabinets did not believe in wasting wood by actually constructing floors or backs for any of them, so it has long been the wee sleekit's highway/playground up until the Introduction of Cats. You know how there are some places, some cliffs and caves, where they can actually MINE centuries of bird or bat guano for fertilizer? Yeah, something like that. Add to the mix some demented idiot's notion of plumbing--right down to years of leaks and corrosion--and it has just been NASTY.

So when the Favorite Husband got all "let's throw out everything we own" Mojo was a tad less enthusiastic--especially given the DISAPPEARANCE of a BRAND NEW CAT CARRIER I HAVE NEVER EVEN USED YET--but his fervor nonetheless inspired me to get rid of the dishwasher. Yay.

That, in turn, inspired me--once I saw the extent of the rot and whatnot--to just totally rip out the kitchen sink and the oven cabinetry, since it was all particle board, soaked and rotted through years of bad, drippy plumbing and mouse leavings...and all that nasty stuff. Because hey, we have a dumpster.

So now I have to redo the plumbing to something that at least pretends to approach code. Oh, and the wiring, which was exposed, as we removed the oven, to be the horrific firetrap that it was. I don't know WHY this house has not burned down DECADES AGO. Exposed wires, jerry-rigged connections, the whole nine yards. If this house doesn't strike horror in the hearts of all who enter, then you haven't been paying attention.

And since this eight-foot section of wall is going to be opened up anyway, I might as well replace the antiquated and cracked window that looks out the back with a new one that won't gust freezing cold air on you with every breath of wind. And re-insulate that whole section of wall, since the mice have long dragged it all away to trample in the filth. I guess so their little feet won't get wet in the plumbing puddles.


Oh, and buy new cabinets. Special-ordered from the Home Despot, so they won't be in for two weeks, but that gives me time to do all the other stuff beforehand. Which they claim SHOULD have set me back over $2,500, but since it was on sale I'm stealing it for a mere $1,700. New sink, too.

Except since it was Home Despot, which is all in the news with the hacking and whatnot, the credit card promptly canceled the charge and graciously warned me, all white-knight-with-the-lance-and-whatnot, that some skanky, ill-smelling moron was trying to use my card to buy cabinets until they gallantly stepped forward and STOPPED the skeevy miscreant. So I had all that to deal with. The credit card I could fix online, but re-submitting the charge with the Home Despot required me to actually speak with a human being on the phone. Who proved to be very nice and personable and we had a lovely chat about fixing old houses and the countless problems and extra work caused by them getting hacked. But if I had my way I'd still opt for the cold, heartless computer any day of the week. Because Mojo really shouldn't be allowed in Nice Society. No offence to the very nice lady at Home Despot Customer Service; it's just Mojo is.... Mojo.

So they're making the cabinets and shipping them to the house. I can do the rewiring and plumbing and sheetrocking myself. Mojo is actually DAIN BRAMAGED ENOUGH that I considered hand-making the cabinets, too, but, eh. Calmer heads prevailed. That, and the Favorite Husband giving me THAT LOOK when I suggested it. I *DO* plan on constructing the countertops myself. Poured-in-place concrete. Well, not so much poured as Sculpted By Lovingly Creative Hands. I haven't told him that part, yet.

So when the Favorite Husband claims the dumpster only cost us less than $700 for three weeks, don't you believe him for a second. Four or five grand and counting, I'm thinking, before I'm done. The most Expensive Dumpster EVAAR.