TL;DR version: If you give your nearly-ninety Mother-in-Law an iPad, make sure you turn off your Photo Stream, or she will be in for a fair amount of SHOCK and CONFUSION.
Mojo version: So as EVERYONE WITHIN A SQUARE MILE OF MOJO knows already, Mojo the Generous and Beneficent Saintlike Daughter-in-Law gave her Mother-in-Law an iPad. All hail Mojo and what a wonderful person she is! Are you sick of me casually bringing it up every five minutes? Then you CERTAINLY don’t want to hear that she’s now whizzing around Facetiming everyone and reading Kindle books and taking pictures and generally enjoying herself. Because this blog has never been about HER, okay? It's about Mojo.
Mojo, in the meantime (remember her? Who this whole blog-thingie is about?), is in the sometimes painful process of learning new software. And, as usual, Mojo has decided that the Best Way For Her to Learn is to create her own application of said software, and see if she can make the software work its magic doing HER thing instead of the (typically) lame tutorial projects. Traditionally it’s how Mojo does these things. It may take her five times longer to learn the software, but in the end she actually has something she can maybe USE instead of “oh look, a bouncing ball”.
So Mojo crafted this idea (yeah, we creative types call ourselves "creative types" and say things like “crafted” because it sounds that much more pretentious), and then realized, if her idea was to meet Mojo's Exacting Standards of Craftsmanship and Quality, she had to create some GRAPHICS to go with it. Because, you know, this is how exciting it is to actually LIVE with Mojo, and suffer from her perpetual Whims and Predilections. Because ANYONE, say, can spend three minutes with Photoshop and create a box with the word “RIGHT!” or “YES!” or “CORRECT!”, but Mojo decided SHE required a rotten old leather work glove giving the user a thumbs-up or a thumbs down or whathaveyou. Because not even thumbs-up CLIP ART is good enough for Mojo. No, I required original graphics with WORK GLOVES. And odd bits of MACHINERY. Oh, and a FLOOR. I needed a graphic of a FLOOR. Ooh, ooh, and SHINY METAL SURFACES for a background. YES! This is going to be GEENYUS!
So I spent a week or two taking pictures of odd things that I think might work graphically with what I was attempting to do. Luckily for me I have the social network that allows me to go into warehouses full of large, noisy industrial machines and take weird pictures without totally looking like I’m committing corporate espionage. And there are trash cans and refrigerators in this world that have shiny metal surfaces to take pictures of as well. Also luckily for me I ALSO have the sort of social network that occasionally drags me OUT of warehouses full of large industrial machines and makes me hang out with, oh, say, miniature horses for the day. All of this to point out that, should hackers ever care to break into my iCloud account, they would not so much be titillated by such a Very Minor Fappening (unless there is something very, VERY wrong with them; though who am I to judge? Hell, in this case I'm pretty comfortable with the judging) as... ummm.... confused:
Actual screen shot of Mojo's Photo Stream. Try to contain your excitement, you perv.
Now, this is inexplicable enough to someone who generally knows and loves Mojo, let alone someone who does NOT really know nor GET Mojo. I WILL point out in the defense of my general humanity there *IS* a very bad picture of Fred in this bewildering mix, sitting on the back of the recliner. He was looking SO CUTE there for HOURS AND HOURS but once I got the camera he ceased being CUTE and went into BLUR MODE. So, you know, cats. But once again I digress.
My point is, d'you remember my LAST account of trying to restore my iPhone contacts after I stupidly deleted them all off my Mother-in-Law’s iPad? Yeah, that. Well, surprise surprise, guess who forgot to shut off the Photo Stream sharing with said iPad, too. So when we went to my Mother-in-Law's house this past weekend, and I spent a bit as I do every weekend playing Help Desk with her and her iPad (which is extra-fun for me since I don’t actually OWN an iPad myself, and hence I must try to figure things out as she asks me while still looking somewhat like an authority so as to Fill Her With Confidence), one of her questions was her concern over receiving these VERY STRANGE PICTURES. As in, “What the hell is THIS? Have I done something WRONG? What sort of weird SICKO has done this to my new iPad?” Et cetera.
In vain I tried to explain to her all I was attempting to *DO* with these pictures, but she’s still not entirely sure that she won’t somehow cause the iPad to BLOW UP should she press the wrong button, so "Mojo--new software--graphics--floor picture--shiny metal surfaces--gloved thumbs-up" all sounded rather Odd and Worrisome, with the unspoken suggestion that maybe it wasn’t too late for her son to find someone a tad less... well, Whimsical and Predilectionary, let us say.
Anyway, I deleted everything and turned off the Photostream, but we all know it’s TOO LATE. My photos have been SEEN. So when you hear those RUMORS about Mojo and her photos, well... yeah. It’s all true. I wish my life were more exciting and somewhat less inexplicable, but, hey, at least *I* like what I’m doing. And that's all that matters.
"NOW what sort of perverse things are you doing with that iPhone, Mojo?"