IN WHICH Mojo Does Her Part, Like the Generous Gal She Is.

This morning I made a purchase on Amazon. WHAT really isn't all that important, to My Way of Thinking, but it dawned on me as I read the confirmation page that I have been remiss all these years. I have NOT been Using Social Media To Its Fullest Intended Effect. I have been Leaving Money On the Table. I have not been Optimizing My Brand Across All Platforms. You get the picture. I hope. Because I for one am tired of coming up with these social media consultant business-speak clichés.

If it's not already obvious, Mojo is what you'd call a fuddy-duddy. A stick-in-the-mud. An Old Fogey. Despite the incredibly inspiring tales of Glamour and Intrigue I share with my loyal fans, the sad truth is, I consider my life to be pretty boring. Which is HOW I LIKE IT. It is DESIGNED to be boring and predictable. Mojo can do the same thing every day for the rest of her life and be PERFECTLY HAPPY about it, so long as it is a vaguely pleasant thing and not, say, getting stung by hornets. She is Rut Girl.

But every time I buy something online (Ooooh! EXCITEMENT ALERT!), the retailer invariably offers me the chance to tweet or FB or otherwise Share My Purchase With My Friends and Followers.

Why? YOU'VE GOT ME. Honestly, isn't sharing plates of food BORING ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE? (Oh, wait, I don't do that, do I? Note to self: take picture of the PBJ sammich you're gonna have for breakfast.) I mean, c'mon, people! Must you pry into every mundane aspect of Mojo's very existence?

Now, Mojo is not stupid, despite all evidence to the contrary. She is the first to realize that these seemingly generous offers to tweet things is NOT intended for the user's ease and convenience. It is to DRIVE MORE TRAFFIC TO THE RETAILER'S SITE. Period. THEY don't care what you've purchased, so long as you keep purchasing. Thus for the longest time, I've been clicking past these sharing buttons, secure in the knowledge that you, despite your Rabid Fandom of All Things Mojo, really don't care when I decide to bite the bullet and buy more tube socks. Or, you know, whatever.

Then it dawned on me, as the last private person in an otherwise transparent, attention-whoring world, just how SELFISH I am being. WHAT IS MOJO HIDING? Why isn't she more forthcoming about her purchases? Does it not occur to her there might be one or two stalkers out there who REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

Shrink tubingSo, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel compelled to announce that, this morning I bought a box of assorted shrink tubing. Yes, for reals. Just keep breathing and try to contain your obvious excitement glimpsing at the Ostentatiously Glamorous Lifestyle Mojo Enjoys.

And for posterity, to make it easy on my many biographers, I will say that, despite the ubiquity of Rule 34 (sorry, Mom, I'm gonna make you Google THAT one), said shrink tubing is intended in an attempt to repair an issue I tweeted about yesterday:


I'm thinking I can strip the exposed wires, splice 'em back together, and possibly have a working spare power adapter. Because Mojo's all cheap like that.

Amazon just thought you'd like to know. And who am I to argue with such a behemoth? I will strive to keep you more informed about such things in the future. Except, well, ya know, laziness and all. We'll see.