Honda Made Me Do This.

For the record, I am neither a particular fan (I pretty much had stopped listening to the radio by the time he made it big) nor a rabid hater. I thought Michael Bolton's version of When a Man Loves a Woman to be okay enough, but rather a copy of all previous versions. I didn't see anything all ground-breaking or awe-inspiring about it, so I didn't see what all the fuss was about. And that's about all I've heard of his music. I'm sure he's a nice person, and that whole "Captain Jack Sparrow" thing was fairly amusing, though probably NOT FOR MY MOTHER TO HEAR. (You just KNOW she's gonna click on that link now, huh?)

So in short, I don't HATE the guy, which seems a trendy thing to some, but I've never been all that inspired to actively pursue hearing MORE.

The Honda car company apparently forgot to get this memo, so lately the airwaves have been awash with Michael Bolton singing holiday songs. And I must say, the strained-vocal thing that makes When a Man Loves a Woman work in whatever iteration you choose--be it Bolton, Bette or Percy Sledge--ummm, anguished screaming does NOT really work for Christmas songs. In my opinion, of course. Meaning, it's hard to sound like you truly love this time of year when it simultaneously sounds like you're enduring some painful and vaguely humiliating medical procedure.

But Honda persists, in a manner I suspect MIGHT be slyly ironic simply because it is otherwise too obnoxious to tolerate. Anyway, I have experienced more Michael Bolton in the past two weeks than all the decades previous combined. Which ultimately is responsible for me making this delightful Christmas album cover:

Michael Bolton's Screaming of Christmas


(To be fair to Mr. Bolton, it is my vague understanding (again, don't particularly HATE the guy; just--again--not really paying attention) that the huge kerfluffle about him "losing his hair" so very long ago was probably due to him merely cutting it off, and not ACTUALLY due to alopecia. I could be wrong. But when I came up with the song title "Venite Alopecia" it made me laugh so hard I had to keep it in. In fact I dare say I should be given a certain special allowance for all of my many personal faults for the entire NEXT YEAR by virtue of coming up with that one title, no matter how terrible a person I prove to be. I enjoy it THAT MUCH.)

For those worrying about me wasting my time, it took me about an hour (and it shows!). Anyway, now that I have that out of my system, I can go back to being a productive member of society. (Pffft! Yeah, right.)