Submitted by mojo on
So a couple of years ago my Favorite Older Sister turned FIFTY. Which would have gone totally unnoticed in Craptacular Land except Mojo decided posting her birthday haiku epic would be WAY SIMPLER than actually writing a blog post from scratch. So I did.
Little thinking that, the Birthday Haiku Master, being my Favorite Brother, would eventually turn fifty as well. Since the first three of us were born all around the same time, two years apart. All within a couple of weeks of the poor woman's OWN birthday. Resulting in the following FB exchange between a well-wisher and Birthday Girl's snarky daughter:
But this is not about Mojo's Favorite Mother, no matter how quick-witted the gal is. Nor is it about haiku epics past. No, this is about the Joycean stream-of-consciousness EPIC composed to celebrate the Favorite Brother's fiftieth birthday--which, like my sister's before his, involves one haiku for each year lived. Can Mojo do it? YOU be the judge....
1.
T's Day starts early
Well, not as early as some.
But early enough.
2.
It's the big five-oh
The goal is fifty haikus
Before I see you.
3.
I did it for M
So I feel obligated
To do the same now.
4.
We're leaving at ten
And I have to take a bath
So you won't hate me.
5.
Otherwise I will
Have to drag the computer
With me to New York.
6.
(That's if I don't get
All the verse composed in time,
Not if I don't bathe.)
7.
I'll stop, take a break
And go jump in the bathtub
Before I write more.
8.
Else the theme will be
More about a nice hot bath
Than your special day.
9.
Okay, now I'm back.
Not much of a gift so far....
This makes number nine.
10.
I had breakfast, too.
A turkey sandwich, and some
Chobani yogurt.
11.
Hmm. Product placement.
Do you think I could sell that
In birthday haikus?
12.
But wait, back to T.
It's his birthday, after all.
Write about HIM, jerk.
13.
Favorite Brother
All around awesome talent
Okay, that's enough.
14.
This is getting old.
I'm not even halfway there
And I am tired.
15.
And yet we march on
Composing on the laptop
I can't use the phone.
16.
Not for this, at least.
It would drive me more crazy
Typing on the phone.
17.
Plus they must all be
Spontaneous. Not pre-writ!
That would be cheating.
18.
Give me a topic
And I will write a haiku.
Yes, these things are live.
19.
CNN reports
Some American got took
Down in Pakistan.
20.
Wow. What a downer.
Great job depressing people!
So much for the news.
21.
Legal to drink booze
Now that we're at twenty-one.
Another milestone.
22.
I'm glad I am not
In my twenties anymore.
I like where I am.
23.
I hope you are, too.
Age and wisdom and good health
Are not such bad things.
24.
I dare say they're good.
So here's wishing you much more
Better more than less!
25.
We are halfway there!
In an hour and a half!
I sense victory!
26.
No, wait, back to T.
He is the reason we're here.
Not about MY goals.
27.
I have to admit
These are rather dull, and not
Celebratory.
28.
I must amend that.
Plus, writing out all the whoops
Make scanning easy.
29.
Yay! For example.
I can pad a line thusly
If it's too short. Whoop!
30.
So. Umm, whoop-ti-do!
See how easily they scan?
I'm cheating again!
31.
People are awake.
They try to distract Mojo.
I will ignore them.
32.
The blue jays outside
Are screaming at an owl
Or maybe a hawk.
33.
Took another break.
Finally ate my yogurt.
It's not very good.
34.
Honey Chobani
Is not my fav'rite flavor
I have just found out.
35.
I don't like it much.
So much for product placement
Making me wealthy.
36.
I like most of theirs,
But not honey, it turns out.
Good to know these things.
37.
I love their lemon
And strawberry is quite good.
But not their honey.
38.
I mean, it's okay.
I ate it. But it wasn't
All that transcendent.
39.
NO! Wait! BAD Mojo!
This isn't about yogurt!
Even if it's Greek!
40.
This is about T!
Write haikus all about T!
T, T, T, T, T!
41.
That last line was a
TOTAL CHEAT. I am ashamed.
My writing skillz failed.
42.
Okay. T's birthday.
Let's stay on target this time.
Oh, look! A goldfinch!
43.
I know, I know: T.
But the goldfinch was so cute!
All yellow and black!
44.
What's that, goldfinch friend?
You wish T a happy day?
Sure. Make me look bad.
45.
Even the damned bird
Can stay on topic, it seems
More than me. Dumb bird.
46.
I got T a gift.
Well, not so much got him one
As "scrounged" his present.
47.
It's the thought that counts.
So many happy scrounges
Instead of returns.
48.
Wait. Not "instead of".
Should be "in addition to".
But that didn't scan.
49.
You know what I mean.
Good thing only you read this.
Or I'd look foolish.
50.
Another fifty!
I hope yours was better spent.
Have a happy day!
Mojo
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