Above and beyond Mojo's usual dose, that is! Which, as we all know, is actually a tongue-in-cheek act so people won't ask Mojo if they can borrow her truck and/or request her help when moving their belongings. Because Mojo dearly loves to pretend she will rip your head off if you ask her, to hide the fact that she's a wussy pushover who will do just about anything to make sure you like her. Within reason, of course.

No, over the past week I had the great joy of encountering two types of seriously obnoxious people, and then a debate with a third party over who indeed is the MOST obnoxious. Maybe you can help us decide.

In one corner we have the professionally downtrodden martyr who spends every waking moment of their sorry, sorry lives bemoaning their fate and using it as a handy excuse to get out of doing anything or assume any sort of personal responsibility for anything. Mojo has all the sympathy in the world for the tough life this person has had, and the uncaring society that now turns its collective back on them. But at the same time, Mojo suspects they are turning their collective backs with GOOD REASON. Because within two minutes of this person strolling into my life I find myself CLIMBING THE WALLS trying to escape them. I wonder why? Is there an instinctual sense in people that total, utter LOSERNESS is somehow catching? Or is it their complete and utter inability to experience even the tiniest little snippets of joy in their lives?

I mean, if this person found a penny on the sidewalk, instead of that little stab of "Yay! I found a penny on the sidewalk! I am ONE WHOLE CENT RICHER in life" they will immediately indulge in an internal dialog in which said penny is CRAWLING with DISEASE and GERMS and hence it is best to leave the DEATH PENNY where it lies. And then bemoan their fate anew because--oh, does it really matter HOW they do it? They just DO it. They are SUCH a buzzkill you feel the need to take a bath after they leave, to wash the wafted LOSER STINK off of you. And, ironically, they kind of KNOW that's how people react to them, or they suspect, or just assume, so it just makes them even more depressed and needy and whiny. They can't win.

On the other side of the coin, I am vaguely acquainted with someone who, like many people, is looking for a job. Far from our Obnoxious Loser Acquaintance, THIS person is Obnoxious Arrogant Acquaintance. With, I might add--not to be cruel, but just because I see it as the truth--with NOTHING WHATSOEVER to be arrogant about. They are not smart. They are not skilled. They are not even remotely competent. Yet they walk into a room and start bossing people around like they're some sort of Donald Trump protégé.

Anyway, recently this person has confided in me just how tough it is to find a job. To which it's all Mojo can do not to exclaim, "Well, DUH! Within two minutes of meeting you most people recognize you are a Super Unpleasant STUPID Human Being and hence NO ONE wishes to get to know you further, let alone OFFER YOU A JOB. I foresee a career in TELEMARKETING, which has the double bonus of pandering to your obnoxious bossy strengths coupled with the relief I shall feel when I can start HATING YOU OPENLY.

But Mojo does not actually SAY that. Instead I say something like "gosh, that's tough" and start staring at my watch until they leave.

I have said this many times in the past, and I'll say it again: more and more I tend to judge people based on whether or not I'd want to survive a plane crash in the Andes with them. Here's a firm "no" on both counts, but if I HAD to choose I'd take the loser any day. Because although they're going to be a HUGE burden because you're going to have to spoon feed them and hold their hand twenty-four hours a day and tell them what to do to SAVE THEIR WORTHLESS LIFE only to have them TURN ON YOU after and write a tell-all book about how BOSSY you were during their ordeal, at least their actions PROBABLY won't kill everyone involved. But Arrogant Incompetent? You're better of braining them with a suitcase while they sleep and telling the investigators they died in the wreck. Because they won't know WHAT the HECK they're even TALKING about, but that won't stop them from snapping idiotic orders to their fellow survivors. And while you're suggesting HELPFUL things like "Hey, guys, we need to build a shelter" they will be undermining you every step of the way and trying to "recruit" people to THEIR way of thinking. And before you know it everyone's dead because things become competitive instead of cooperative and all your shelter materials get turned into building a curtained Gilligan's Island-like stage so they can try to reconstruct the accident and attribute blame to the guilty party. (Which I'll tell ya right now--it WON'T BE THEM. I guarantee it.)

But other than that, it was a swell weekend. If you like sitting around the house watching the snow fall. Luckily for me, I do...

Mojo