Mojo's Epic Poetry

Yesterday was my Favorite Older Sister's 50th birthday--or, as we call it, her dirfday. I was away during a family celebration of that august/August occasion--up in New Hampshire again--so I missed the celebration. She had just gotten home from a trip to Alaska and she was apparently sick with bronchitis for the party.

My Favorite Brother wrote on her Facebook wall (names altered to protect the guilty):

A birthday Haiku for you:

Happy Birthday, M!
You will always be older.
That's why I love you.



This inspired me to write what has become my legendary (well, okay, so it's just in my own mind) HAIKU EPIC. One verse for every year of life; fifty verses in all. Mojo tells a bold story of whatever crossed her fleeting mind at the moment, but the story was somewhat lost since I posted them one verse at a time on her FB wall and hence the chronology was messed up.

Was Mojo up to the challenge? See for yourself:

(Birthday Girl's name here)
Deathly sick on her birthday
Don't breathe on me please.

M's Dirfday Haikus
They're quite simple to construct
But deep as a well.

On M's FaceBook Ads
An offer you can't refuse:
Develop Your Book.

M in Alaska
Brings us sickness, not T-shirts.
Why did you come home?

M gets a party.
I don't bother to show up.
I still want cake, though.

One haiku per year
Can Mojo do such a feat?
Even with no cake?

I'm already bored.
This joke has been flogged to death.
Yet I do not stop.

Alli for weight loss!
Shed pounds when your liver dies!
Saves on health care, too!

No more daily news!
I should concentrate on M
And her Special Day.

M's weight is just fine.
She has no need for such things.
Save room for more cake!

Yes, it's back to cake.
The cake I did not receive.
Cake that haunts my soul.

Cake. Glorious cake.
Good cake is my dirfday wish.
Cake cake cake cake cake.

Forgive the last poem.
Repeating "cake" is cheating.
M deserves better.

Where was I, you ask?
I was up in New Hampshire.
My thoughts were with you

We ate good sushi
In honor of your birthday.
Yeah, that's the ticket.

But there was no cake.
Not even green tea ice cream
Which I like as well.

(I really should note
When Mojo says "birthday cake"
She means CHOCKLIT cake.)

(With chocklit frosting.
But isn't it obvious?
BUTTERCREAM frosting.)

It saddens Mojo
That she must TELL people this.
But so goes the world.

People do not THINK.
Chocklit needs to be exPLAINED?
What is WRONG with you?

Four more poems to go
Until I am halfway there.
Not that I'm counting.

The ads use BIG WORDS.
In Sustainability
Get your MBA.

You see what I mean?
Switching around the syntax
I think it's cheating.

A definite cheat.
Sound like Yoda, Mojo does.
How else will it scan?

Yes, I'm halfway there!
Are you as sick as I am?
Time for Mojo's break!

* * * * * *

During my break, my Favorite Brother chimed in on our Favorite Older Sister's wall:

ONE haiku is fine,
T simply reiterates;
FIFTY? Overkill.

But then later wrote on MY wall:

A non-birthday Haiku for you:

I was way too harsh
criticising your efforts
to make M happy.

Please forgive and carry on!

Thus emboldened, I was inspired to continue.
* * * * * *

Mojo has returned!
The second half now beckons!
All hail, Haiku muse!

But soft! What is this?
A bitter rival complains!
Mojo rolls her eyes.

Mojo's mighty heart
Strives to comfort her brother
Even though he's wrong.

He creates haiku
For elder sister's birthday
But Mojo does not.

Mojo's metered fun
Celebrates M-y's DIRFday.
There's a difference.

So rest assured, dear Bro,
Your trademark rests unblemished
Thanks to legal nits.

Now back to our queen,
Forgotten in this scuffle,

Fifty, did we say?
Mojo cannot count that high
Due to public schools.

Mojo's only forty-five
(For another week).

Half of a hundred
And two more than four dozen
5X...solve for X.

Did my brother cite
Algebraic equations
In his two haikus?

Mojo's nimble mind
Runs rings around you turkeys
Sing, oh heav'nly muse!

Milton in haiku!
Mojo sure knows her epics!
Watch out--Homer's next!

Rosy-fingered Dawn,
Wee sleekit tim'rous, cow'rin--
Wait, that's Robert Burns.

Now Mojo's confused.
Dazzled by her dazzling mind
Just ten more to go!

I suppose sometime
Amidst this epic drivel
I should talk of M.

Birthday Girl Supreme
My favorite eldest sister
Mojo's Protector

Mojo will not gush
Nor bore you with sibling luvvv
Such things make one sick.

Mush is not for me.
Instead I shall regale you
With another's words.

As Owl once wrote
(Another brainy ref'rence)
On Eeyore's Birthday

The following note:

(You think Mojo lies?
He really wrote that, you know.
You could Google it.)

That is how I feel.
The fullness of Mojo's heart
There for all to see.

I must stop this glurge
Before somebody gets hurt
Hope I've writ enough.

I will use this last
To wish M a most happy
Haiku-free birthday.

Yes, I left fifty postings on her FB wall. Aren't you glad you're not my FB friend? Especially if you are one of the 22 people who are friends with us BOTH?

And one last belated happy 50th to my Favorite Older Sister.