or, in other words, Don't Get Mojo Mad At You. Because if you cheese her off badly enough, it will be FOR KEEPS.

1. Mojo will never forgive CBS for canceling Frank's Place.

2. Mojo will never forgive some "Mass Communications 101" class she was made to take in college that made her read Dan Rather's The Camera Never Blinks. Complete with the picture of Dan Rather on the cover with his shirt unbuttoned and his tie askew and his suit coat thrown over his shoulder. And that's before Mojo even had to open the book; it went south from there pretty darn quick.

3. Mojo will never forgive some un-remembered flunkie (maybe it was the director?) who worked on the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit. He was quoted in some film production magazine Mojo was reading at the time that he totally hated Mary Poppins because the technological failings of Julie Andrews and Dick van Dyke in the cartoon world annoyed him. HELLLLLOOOO?? Listen, pal: story, STORY, STORY. Mary Poppins is one of the BEST MOVIES EVER. It is CHARMING and FUN and WELL WRITTEN and enjoyed by ALL AGES. At the very least, it sure as shootin' DOESN'T fall TOTALLY APART when they switch over to the cartoon world. Unlike CERTAIN OTHER FILMS which shall go unnamed that just hit the wall when that happens and become a big sodden hyper mess. So in short: Mary Poppins= Practically Perfect in Every Way. Roger Rabbit=Fun start, love Bob Hoskins, gave us the line "I had to shake the weasels" ... and then collapses on itself like a grand piano dropped out of a window.

4. Mojo will never forgive whoever wrote the back of the cover notes for the film Thelma and Louise Life-affirming? LIFE-AFFIRMING? Where did anyone ever come up with THAT?

Thelma and Louise's sole saving grace--that five second shot of Brad Pitt's naked chest. Before he had hit it big. Practically the only thing I remembered about the entire movie.

There's more, people. Trust me. But I've had enough bitterness for one day. So I'll end it on the high note of Brad Pitt's chest and we'll leave it at that.

Mojo