...or NOT. Depending on, you know, stuff.

My bank, with whom I've been with for years 'n' years, was "recently"--meaning YEARS ago in Mojo time, but she is fond of living in the Good Ol' Days--acquired by another bank, and along with this new blood has come New and Exciting Marketing. One such thing is the subtle change of slogans from something along the lines of "Don't worry--your money's safe and secure with us" to something more along the lines of "Banking with us is MORE FUN THAN A ROLLER COASTER!!! WHEEEE!!!" Which, while Mojo is indeed partial to roller coasters, she is NOT all that partial to loading the roller coaster car up with a big loose pile of her life savings in the form of foldin' money just prior to takeoff. So Mojo is not particularly happy with said bank, even though nothing else has changed but the slogan and the graphics, and Mojo, as we all know by now, is too inherently lazy to pull her money out and find another place to bank. Mojo occasionally goes into said bank to make fun of the various slogans and ad campaigns with the tellers, who are all very nice people and somewhat embarrassed by their new job description of Imparting the Proper Banking Excitement to the Customers. That on top of their usual responsibilities of Putting Up With Mojo.

One of the many, uh, "perks" of this "new" bank is the opportunity for online banking. Mojo has been online for some thirty years, now--no foolin', I was in academia when Usenet first reared its time-wasting head--and I am no slouch when it comes to doing stuff online, but I gotta say I absolutely HATE HATE HATE this bank's putrid online banking system. And one of the things I hate most of all is, in their lame efforts to pretend they are safe and secure they have at least FIVE security questions you must answer every now and then--the appearance of said questions appear to be random, and have NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with mistyping your password--to get access to your account. And these are not the sort of questions where you can pick from a list, or devise your own, no, they are Set In Stone, and heaven help you if you don't remember how you answered the stupid things.

And when I originally set up this account, thinking there would be just one or two questions, I made the mistake of violating a Mojo Life Lesson by ATTEMPTING TO ANSWER TRUTHFULLY, which is something I usually give up a LONG TIME AGO online, and CONTINUED to attempt to answer truthfully, which now has gotten me in a whole mess of hot water. Because if it's just some sort of gathering-marketing-information-and/or-email-addresses I don't have a cow about my privacy, instead I JUST LIE. Which is why I never get all that upset when people start shrieking about their online privacy--instead I just ask, "Who says you have to fill out those things HONESTLY?" Consequently there's a whole thick file out there in Internet Land of a seventy-year old Mister Bogus, complete with his bogus email address and odd facts like, he makes less than ten grand a year and he has twenty-three children and, tragically, he's a widower. Nobody can get ahold of Mister Bogus to offer him their Exciting Online Offers because Mister Bogus clearly does NOT know what he's doing online and did not give them a valid email address. The poor, poor man.

EVERY SINGLE QUESTION begins with "What's your favorite__________?" (or "Who's). Is Mojo suddenly TEN YEARS OLD again, when such things MATTERED? "What's your favorite movie, Mojo?" Answer: I DON'T KNOW!!! I don't really HAVE a favorite movie! Maybe I could pick out a top TEN, but even THAT would vary from day to day and perhaps hour by hour. Next question: "What's your favorite restaurant?" WE LIVE HOURS AND HOURS from any decent restaurant, idjits! Besides which, while Mojo appreciates and likes good food, she pretty much eats whatever is put in front of her. During the summer when the garden is in full swing I just go out and pick a handful of green beans or peas and eat it on the way back to the house. Food's not all that big on my list of priorities, so long as I get it fairly regular.

My Favorite Husband (okay, so that one's legit) and I were just talking this weekend on how some odd adults appear to be stuck in their elementary school years, and continue to ask you stupid questions like "What's your favorite color?" Mojo has since learned to have a pat answer for such moronicities, but it is all I can do not to just stare open-mouthed at the asker in a feeble attempt to determine if they are pulling my leg or what.

But do that at a bank--or, in this case, at an online bank--and all of a sudden you are awash with suspicious electronic glares, and they respond by asking you MORE inane questions. What ever happened to "just click the button and we'll email your password to the address associated with this account"? Oh, no, they just keep asking questions Mojo couldn't care less about, and when I finally make a wrong answer they just say "oooh, you're a LIAR!" and shut you off and ban your IP address.

I hate them so. Although I guess one could classify "frustration" and the resulting rise in blood pressure as a form of "excitement"...

Mojo