Mojo's Personal Rolodex!


I am offering to some lucky eBay bidder the chance to peek into the seamy underside of Mojo's storybook life by putting my Rolodex up for sale. It comes complete with card holders and dividers, and it makes an exciting clicky sound as you spin it around.

I have not altered or edited this Rolodex one bit except for wiping some of the dust off of it. So this is someone's big chance to get all the addresses and personal contact information for the many celebrities and world leaders and family members and casual acquaintances Mojo hobnobs with. Mojo assumes all this vital personal information will only be used for GOOD, and not used by some pathetic stalker with nothing better to do with their lives, but hey, anything for a buck.

Regular Craptacular readers know that I appreciate your skeptical never-take-anything-for-granted attitude toward every tiny thing I attempt to do (oh, yeah, and thank you SO MUCH for the constant, inane questions; it so totally makes my day), so I have anticipated some of your queries in a pathetic attempt to keep them at bay. Like, "why on earth would anyone with such impeccably high standards of conduct, a veritable paragon of virtue, stoop so low as to sell her Rolodex to the highest bidder?"

Mojo's response is somewhat hard to fully describe, so subtly nuanced and richly expressive as is her wont, but in layman's terms I would describe it as "a shrug and a sort of grunted/hummed 'I dunno.'"

I see by your imagined faces (and the growing number of torches and pitchforks out there) that our discerning Craptacular readers demand more from this description. Perhaps some disillusioned saps are privately voicing their opinion that Mojo might not be the perfect role model for our children as we have been led to believe. So to set your minds and hearts at ease I will flip wildly through this Rolodex and take a digital snapshot of a random entry, so you can see for yourselves what priceless information you are getting for your money:

Yes, our beloved Mojo has only the best of intentions, but her follow-through skills leave much to be desired. Several years ago she bought this Rolodex and all the cards and whatnot and took it out of the box and put it in a place of honor on her desk and fully intended to put her life in order. And that's pretty much as far as it went. To compensate, Mojo likes to pretend her "elaborate system" of tiny slips of paper scattered willy-nilly about the house is a more sophisticated method of dealing with contacts. So she offers up this out-of-the-box but never used (except to make the wheel click, or to see if I could spin it fast enough to make the cards fly off) (I couldn't) spinny Rolodex to some lucky eBay bidder. Perhaps someone with a slightly less brilliant mind than hers (no, Mojo, I am NOT writing "the rest of you chumps"--someone might take offence to that) can use it to keep track of their many non-celebrity friends and relations, although if they're not celebrities Mojo really doesn't see the point of talking to them, or even acknowledging their existence.

SO, what do we have here? Pretty much Mojo's EMPTY Rolodex eagerly awaiting actual use. Yes, it comes straight from her desk to yours, accompanied by the Certificate of Craptacularity that makes it extra-special. No, I am NOT counting so see how many cards are on it--I assume it's whatever came with it when I bought it. Let's see if YOU can spin it fast enough to make the cards fly off. Or, if you're the boring type, I suppose you can actually use it to store stuff. Hey, this is America--it's YOUR choice!