My, how the time does fly! It was scarcely a month ago that I whined incessantly about being dragged kicking and screaming to the latest "movie" based on a 1970s comic book. I wish now to amend my hasty proclamation in that post, wherein I stated "I shall anticipate any and all future movies put out by MARVEL's production arm with dread and despair". I spoke too soon. I now wish to add DC Comics to the mix. Having just been dragged kicking and screaming to see the latest Batman. I acquiesced finally only because of the promise of air conditioning, but about an hour into said movie being trapped in the pickup with the windows rolled up started to look pretty good.

I suppose it is only fair to state for the record that I have never, ever EVER been a fan of the franchise, even back in the Michael Keaton days. I remember it as the last movie I had to stand in line for. I was talked into attending a midnight showing, and we stood in line for nearly an hour, and I was whiny and crabby the whole time, suspecting (as I eventually came to know for certain) that I was thus inconvenienced only to endure a two-hour suckfest that has remarkably little to do with people's (mistaken) blood-sucking beliefs about bats. Mojo likes bats, even when they get into her house, and it sickens her to have such innocent creatures tarred with such moronic entertainment.

While I could take or leave him, I now officially *DO* feel badly for the late Heath Ledger, knowing his swan song as an actor is this confused pile of drivel. I have heard rumors of "Oscar buzz" for his performance. In his defense he is the best thing in the movie, but that's really not saying all that much. He probably has the most, uh, rounded character in it, even though he's essentially a cookie cutter comic book villain. (Two minutes into it I turned to my Favorite Husband and asked, "Where on EARTH do people go and get henchmen, anyway?" I think I would rather be Ensign Jones in a Star Trek episode than a machine-gun=fodder Eeevil Henchman. Comic book villains must have one heckuva dental plan, is all I can say, 'cuz getting beaten to a pulp and blown up is otherwise SO not worth it.

Yes, I said Pity Oscar, a crime which hasn't been quite so egregious since they gave one to Whoopi for that dreadful piece of schlock known as Ghost. Don't get me wrong, Mojo likes Whoopi and feels she was TOTALLY ROBBED when The Color Purple was dissed by the Academy. But Ghost? GHOST? I think I would have rather it been Jumping Jack Flash, which just goes to show the depth of Mojo's distaste. Now Oscar, who, granted, has not always keep the best company, is forever linked to Ghost, and if they likewise bestow an Oscar nod to whatever-this-Batman-is-called, them little statuettes won't be fit for andirons.

Anyway, so Mojo does not care for the entire Batman franchise in the first place, and has fond memories of the campy 60s version, and consequently finds the more recent movies too dark and depressing in the first place. I mean, it's JUST NOT WORTH IT to care about super heroes and super villains. They are SUPPOSED to be frothy, not Fraught With Meaning and Portent. Oh, and let's not forget, Left Open to Interminable Sequels, which is how just about EVERY SINGLE MOVIE OUT THERE is now constructed. People aren't thinking "movie" or "story" anymore. They're thinking Franchise.

Which of course just means more of the same as Mojo is dragged to all of them. But I swear, this one was by FAR the worst. Every five minutes there's another plot twist. You're just thinking, oh, good, it's going to wrap up now, and then BANG! Suddenly there's a twist and it's another thirty endless minutes of explosions and drama.

After about the fifth such turnaround I sighed very heavily and loudly and my Favorite Husband started laughing hysterically. So at least I have that one tiny ray of sunshine, that in my distress at least I can take a small measure of comfort knowing I am giving him the joy of entertainment, watching me hate my very life for two and a half hours. Certainly he wasn't looking at the screen, which held no charm whatsoever.

Okay, so there were a few good lines, nearly all done by the Joker. And an amusingly sadistic "magic trick" involving a pencil early on. Again, the Joker. And Commissioner Gordon, played by someone who reminded me of Tom Skerritt, was fairly likeable. Everyone else was instantly forgettable, from whoever played Batman to whoever played his ex-girlfriend to the Ken Doll crusading district attorney. (Michael Caine phoned in his part playing Alfred the butler, but Caine is pretty likable even when he's on the phone, so to speak. And Morgan Freeman--I like the guy, but why? WHY?)

Ahem. Mojo has already given this stuff way too much more attention than it deserves. With the tidal wave of comic book movies and sequels I see in the distance, like some sort of creatively tragic tsunami, all I can hope for is to hang onto a nearby branch and hope for the best while expecting the worst...

Mojo