Submitted by mojo on
The Requisite Back Story:
Every year, a Certain Someone gives me hand towels. It's what they do. Every year they come in a nice holiday box in a bed of tissue paper so they won't break. Now, I don't mind hand towels—let me go on record as saying I am an Active Proponent for Personal Hygiene, and washing one's hands is an integral part of the process. These are fairly nice quality towels, but they are always purchased with no regard for any sort of color scheme, real or imagined. So unless there's some sort of Fiestaware trend in hand towels that makes mixing weird colors Fun and Kicky I really have no place for them in my house.
This year's batch comes in a sort of lavender purple (the tag calls it "Purple Haze" although being the sheltered lass that I am I fail to see any obvious connection between Jimi Hendrix and hand towels) and a melony green color the tag just refers to as "SAG". What an interesting riddle. Is this an acronym, I wonder (Some Anonymous Green?), or short for Sag Harbor, perhaps, or maybe some cruel veiled editorial comment on my bathroom décor?
(Incidentally, devoted Holiday Craptacular readers might notice this is the second item that contains the word "melon" as a descriptive element. It is this sort of attention to detail that separates my copywriting skills from the "Towels...buy them" crowd. It also allows me to insert once again my plea that just because I might use common foods to describe how gifts may look or smell this does not imply I think you should ingest them. Granted these hand towels are 100% cotton so they probably won't poison you, but it's a lot to get down in one sitting and you might choke to death. So don't, okay? Thanks.)
Anyway, the lucky winner will get this whole Craptacular Towel Presentation Ensemble: two towels, as well as the festive box and the tissue paper to ensure they do not get broken in transit. You will also get something I did NOT get, which is the lovely Certificate of Craptacularity so envied by those you beat out in the bidding. And luckily for the regifters out there this time the gift giver did NOT plaster the box with an industrial-strength to-from stickers (oooh, another reference to another item! When will it stop?) so you can regift with the security that can only come with hand towels and festive box in—well, not exactly pristine condition, since it's obviously a used box and there's still bits of tape and wrapping on it—but let's call it "okay" condition. No, wait, make that "Craptacular" condition. ("Branding", dontcha know.)
So if you happen to know someone who's recently redone their bathroom in "Purple Haze" and, uh, "SAG", this would be the perfect housewarming gift. Or, more likely, give them to someone just to watch their face as they open it. Hours of amusement.
The box is a shirt box approximately 9.5" X 14". The towels themselves are about 28" X 16", if you ever unfold them. I did not count the number of sheets of tissue paper, since I'm not a total idiot.
Mojo's Holiday Craptacular....
"The Gifts that Keep on Being Given"
(dead poinsettia not included)
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