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Submitted by mojo on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 5:02am
So Mojo has sadly resigned herself to the fact that the Evil V will never, ever EVER give her DSL internet.
Mojo is okay with reality. She doesn't spend too much time moping or wishing things were different or droning endless affirmations reflecting how she would like her life to be under the delusion that doing so will somehow change things. She is happy enough with her MiFi, and for any HUGE uploads she goes visiting other people under the pretense that she likes them, when really she just wants to jump on their wireless to upload another pointless YouTube video. It's what she calls a "social life".
But after hearing a happy tale from a luckier person (who we suspect is just throwing her extreme internet happiness in Mojo's face, but once again whatcha gonna do), she thought she'd see if Evil V's competitor, AT&T, might be willing to supply home phone and internet. So she goes to AT&T's site and plugs in her address to see if any form of high speed internet is available in her area.
But unlike Evil V, which just cackles with laughter as it asks for your email address so they can notify you the INSTANT high-speed internet becomes available in your area (you just see the electrons they employ giggling over the water cooler about THAT one), AT&T optimistically sez, "It's not available in your area. Say, why don't you try one of these OTHER states on our map, here?" Which is how I choose to interpret "Try Checking an address in one of the indicated states".
To which Mojo just stares at the words for a minute. And then she screams at her computer screen: "What the HELL good does that do ME?" (Because, you know, it's ALL about HER.)
Between them and the Yellow Pages, they've been conspiring to gaslight poor Mojo like nobody's bidness. The Yellow Pages recently sent Mojo a letter freely acknowledging Mojo's desire to NOT get their archaic tree-killing tome anymore, but due to Mojo's insistence on living in a rural area it turns out they're gonna mail one anyway ("Feel free to recycle it!" they chirpily suggest, which has Mojo asking, what sort of business model is THIS? Until she remembers the book itself is a non-issue; it's all about the advertising, which they've already collected from the poor saps who have yet to figure out it's a dying industry).
So Mojo is all, like, why do you have me fill out these forms on the internet, anyway, phone people? So you can MOCK me and my rural brethren? So you can further steal our personal information and sell it to OTHER companies who will mock us with non-service? And AT&T--yeah, I'm lookin' RIGHT AT YOU--what's this whole "try another state" feature? I don't WANT to try another state! I already have a house in THIS one!
LOOK! LOOK! MOJO STUFF!