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Submitted by mojo on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 5:26am
If you're scrambling for holiday gifts and you're looking for something not too expensive that will require VERY LITTLE THOUGHT OR EFFORT on the part of you, the magnanimous giver, Mojo oh-so nonchalantly suggests you buy one or two or a dozen or so of her books she has recently put up for sale at fine booksellers everywhere.
These are actual books written by our beloved Mojo, mind you, not a stupid compilation of blog posts you can read for free, or crappy books others have given her and now she's foisting off on people who just want something that once resided, however briefly, in Mojo's hot little hands. No--real books; novels, as a matter of fact. So tell your friends, wake the neighbors, and rip 'em apart on the reviews on Amazon if you have the notion. (You could say NICE things about them too, if you like, but when was the last time Mojo ever said anything nice about YOU, huh? I rest my case.)
Of the three currently for sale--you can buy them as hardbacks, paperpacks and just about every form of ebook imaginable--two are suitable for just about anyone who can read (well, read English, at any rate). The third and longest one, The Mobled Queen, has much more adult situations and language and probably should only be read by or to adults. (Mojo is already preparing her apologies to her Favorite Mother for when she objects to the language that some characters use, so you know it's gonna be rated R, at least. But the other two are pretty innocuous, unless you don't like spiders. One has a bunch of spiders in it. Did I neglect to say that? Um, there's spiders. They're NICE spiders, but if you don't like spiders you'll quickly tell me there's no such things as NICE spiders, and Mojo will just go "uh-huh" and dart her eyes around looking for the exit while you go on an hour-long diatribe about how much you hate spiders. For the record, Mojo LIKES spiders and appreciates their mosquito-eating role in the world, so you will not convince her otherwise. Not that it will stop you from trying, bless your mouth-frothing little soul.)
Also, as usual, Mojo has her incredibly lovely selection of t-shirts and other sell-out merch, courtesy of Zazzle. Including her latest effort, the Effort Shirt--which, as you may have already guessed, took very little effort at all on Mojo's part. But being a proud American capitalist, Mojo expects to make oodles of munnies anyway, no matter how slipshod or slapdash her work ethic might be. And who are YOU to disappoint her? Some mean, Grinchy Scroogey person? NO! You are kind-hearted and generous to a fault! I mean, you're buying people PRESENTS, for heaven's sake! And some of these presents--c'mon, be honest, now--are for people you don't really LIKE all that much!
There's no better way of saying "Here--I vaguely acknowledge your existence in my life with this token gift" than some merch from Mojo. They'll thank you for it. They are socially obligated to thank you, and perhaps even tell you how thoughtful you were. And maybe THEY'LL give you YOUR gift--and it's another thing from Mojo. Ha! See? Everybody wins, and the Circle of Life continues. It's beautiful, in its way. At least Mojo thinks so, as she fills her bathtub with money and wallows in it.
Enjoy your holidays just a tiny bit more by filling it with crap from your internet friend, Mojo!
LOOK! LOOK! MOJO STUFF!