"Forest Faces" tree decoration by Garden Sensations!

Submitted by mojo on

Okay, I admit it. In better days, when I had disposable income, I once saw these in some home 'n' garden catalog, and I thought they were mildly cute. But now in my winter of unemployment, faced with the reality of actually putting this on one of the many trees around my house, I am disturbed by two possible scenarios.

First, quite frankly, having trees with faces on them is the sort of thing that would have given me nightmares as a child. I haven't outgrown being at least somewhat disturbed by the idea. I have the obviously foolish notion that, if I were to put human faces on my trees, I would lay awake all night, worrying. I can imagine those dark trees out there slowly becoming possessed by satanic forces, coming to life, breaking into my house and strangling me to death in my bed. (I have similar fears about Raggedy Ann dolls and clown dolls, which is why I don't allow such things in my house.)

(No, actually I've had a particularly happy, middle-class suburban Leave-It-To-Beaver sort of childhood. Why do you ask?)

The second scenario is equally disturbing, although a full 180 degrees from the other. Remember, I am currently unemployed, and I live WAY out in the sticks, so I no longer have the daily interaction of coworkers and friends. I am afraid if I start putting faces on my trees my already fragile sanity will crumble further to dust and I will start thinking of the trees as my friends and coworkers. I will start naming them and have conversations with them like the Tom Hanks character in the movie "Castaway". I will start remembering figmentary anecdotes to tell my husband when he gets home: about the cute joke "Clyde" told me or how sweet "Ethel" was when So-and-so lost a branch in a windstorm. You see where this scenario is going, don't you? So you can just imagine how ultimately damaging the BETRAYAL will be to my already tattered sanity when my newfound forest friends and coworkers become slowly possessed by satanic forces, come to life, break into my house and strangle me to death in my bed.

Clearly this is a door best left closed. So it's off to the highest bidder with you, potential forest friend who can never be. I'm sure someone with less issues, or at least a less vivid imagination, will find pleasure in your company. But until there is a national moratorium on bad horror movies where inanimate things come to life and murder people, I will not be among them. Bid away, folks, and take this thing from me ASAP. My neighbors will thank you.

The box, if you care, is about 12.5 inches square. All the pieces attach to the tree separately, in case you can't figure that out for yourself. I have NO IDEA if any nails or other attachment hardware is included, so you or your ultimate, proud recipient might have to spring for that.

Mojo's Holiday Craptacular....

"The Gifts that Keep on Being Given"

(dead poinsettia not included)

Comments

Anita Shipway replied on

Some years ago the local Halloween Parade always went by our house and ended in a party up the street.  We have always felt an obligation to add to the ambiance as best we could.  one year we hung some Forest Faces in our trees bordering the street.  they were a big hit.  Next year, we put them up again for Halloween.  The school bus stopped to let the kids see them!  The mail man loved them.

After a while we took them down again.  A neighbor stopped to see what had become of them.  He said their dog had been entranced by them from the day they moved in, just a couple of days before their apperance the Halloween before. When they disappeared, the dog would stop and study the tree and, if alowed, walk up on the lawn and search the other side of the tree.  Now they were gone again, and the neighbor suggested it would be a kindness to the walking dogs to leave them up.  So, we did.

 

By the next year they had inherited a second dog.  They stopped to tell us that this dog too was reacting the same way to the faces - staring and studying and sniffing the tree with a puzzled frown..... a clear indication that the trees become haunted by a spirit that arrives with the Forest Faces.  Now we are looking for some more of them for the street.  It seems we are getting a reputation for them, particularily among dog walkers.