If you have to ask, you're probably in the wrong place. And if you like unicorns and rainbows and skipping through dewy meadows, I'd advise you to leave, before you get traumatized too much. For the brave few that remain, every now and then Mojo's Craptacular is that thin ray of sunshine in your otherwise drab and pathetic life.
I apologize in advance.
Idly window-shopping for a desktop computer. Not 'cuz I need one; just 'cuz. Idly lusting after a $4,000 setup.
Then my brain sez, "OOH! OOH! You should totally check out that discount computer website you sometimes go to--maybe they will have the EXACT SAME THING for, oh, say, fifty bucks!"
So I went to their site.
If you are TRULY a glutton for punishment--more so even than myself--then I suggest you refresh your memory by re-reading my blogging of ATLAS SHRUGGED PART ONE.
And then follow up with my blogging ATLAS SHRUGGED PART TWO.
And now, for your reading horror, I present my sitting though ATLAS SHRUGGED PART THREE! In all of its blood-stained glory.
I suppose I am suffering through the third ATLAS SHRUGGED movie for the same reason they made it--because certain anal-retentive morons such as myself do not get closure until things are drawn out to their conclusion. So just as I shall never forgive the people behind the marketing of THE SIMPSONS for abandoning the distribution of the series on DVD--thereby I shall NEVER, in my lifetime, have the FULL SET, thankyouverymuch--I am grateful to the producers of ATLAS SHRUGGED, as much as I poke fun at their terrible, M.-Night-Shyamalan-bad movies (have I finally gone too far with my criticism? Really, Mojo, was THAT sort of cruelty warranted? I apologize)--for flying in the face of common sense and public opinion to see through their awful, awful project to the bitter end. I’m not sure exactly what they were trying to prove, but I appreciate the effort all the same.
A few years ago my parents took the Favorite Husband and I to Yellowstone, and like all good tourists we sat on those nasty wooden benches and waited for Old Faithful to erupt. It was the off season; we had great seats. And the guy sitting next to my mother started talking to her in friendly generalities about just how precise predicting Old Faithful is, blah blah blah. The sort of thing you would indeed talk about while waiting for a geyser to erupt. And then he somehow managed to twist that discussion into Who Are You Voting For In The Upcoming Election, because if my mother failed to vote for So-and-So, well, she might as well stand up on the bench right that minute and scream I HATE AMERICA. And poor Mom, who is way more polite than I ever shall be, just calmly says something like “I’ll vote for whomever I WANT to vote for, and I don’t think it’s anyone’s business but my own” instead of “I’m on VACATION, you stupid mouth-breathing PUTZ, now get the HELL away from me and let me watch a VASTLY MORE INTERESTING GUSH OF HOT AIR than YOU.” Forget enjoying the natural beauty of our national parks, this guy must be CHOCK FULL OF FUN AT PARTIES. It’s okay to defend or decry Ayn Rand or whatever political party or whathaveyou you so desire, but after five or ten minutes of you ranting and not taking a breath I will forewarn you that while I am nodding politely my brain will be shrieking SHUT THE HELL UP. NOBODY EVER CHANGED ANYONE ELSE’S MIND BY RANTING AT THEM. Thus ends my rant. Or, as Famous Movie Guy one said (was it Mayer?) "If you want to send a message, use Western Union."
I don’t get some people. As I have said ad infinitum, I have been online forEVAAR—well, at least since the late 80s to early 90s; we're talkin' pre-web—and every time I think I have seen everything, the interwebs surprise me yet again. Usually with something I can subsequently complain about.
One favorite point of whiny complaint is the Amazon system wherein people can ask questions about a product and others who have purchased it chime in to answer to the best of their ability. Innocuous questions, like “Is this made from high-quality materials?” or “Will this fit on my ’75 Datsun?” Good questions that deserve a response.
And yet, there is a certain percentage of people who respond to these questions with variations of “I don’t know the answer to that one.”
Feel free to produce this dramatic work of art any time you wish. And don't say I never gave you people nuthin.
Interview With a Swill-Pig
a play in 5 acts
Act 1: THREE DECADES AGO
SWILL PIG: Hello. I'm an attention-whoring swill-pig!
MEDIA: Hello, Mister Swill-pig! Have some more swill!