So Mojo recently rented the David Tennant Hamlet from Netflix (yes, Mojo is a Hamlet weenie who watches 'em all--even the laughably bad Gibson one) but she hasn't watched it yet. She is TOTALLY looking forward to it, since Patrick Stewart plays Claudius, as he did in my all-time favorite Hamlet, the Derek Jacobi one.  MORE Mojo! »

Okay, it's almost Craptacular time. I am considering the list for my post-holiday cleanup sale on eBay, and believe me, I have enough to last a lazy person like me several months. The last thing I need is MORE CRAP.

In fact, living in a very small rural town, Mojo must make occasional dump runs--although technically our dump is no longer a dump but a "transfer station", and everything gets dumped into variously labeled Dumpsters to be driven away and either recycled or dumped--oh, sorry, I mean "transferred"--elsewhere, like where poorer people live. Or whatever happens to it; Mojo has no say in the matter. (Once when I worked in a Very Old Library at a Very Old College, they spent a year or so removing asbestos from the building, and they had a staff meeting with an asbestos expert to allay staff fears (the actual removal process, it turns out, involved a lot of plastic sheeting and duct tape, which did NOTHING to ally Mojo's vague fears, since she was looking for something a little more high-tech), and one of the things one of Mojo's trouble-making librarian friends brought up was, "Where does the asbestos go after you remove it?" To which the asbestos expert hemmed and hawed and tried very hard to sugar-coat what they do with it. Which, rumor had it, was to truck it all down south and let some poverty-stricken Appalachian community deal with it. You'd think they'd be asked this often enough to have a good strong super-casual response to it instead of this decidedly awkward exchange (and maybe now they do), but back then Mister Asbestos Expert clearly did NOT want to talk about it.)  MORE Mojo! »

As you all know--or at least SHOULD know--Mojo practically worships John Cleese as being just about the perfect mix of funny, talented and smart. Mojo's Favorite Husband is likewise funny, talented and smart, but he was not around during Mojo's Delicate Formative Years whereas John Cleese was, since Mojo's family was an early fan of Monty Python in the 70s, when they first ran on PBS. I thought John Cleese was a standout then, and continues to this day. Mojo wuvs her some John Cleese, okay?  MORE Mojo! »

If you wish to incite a mob to run around screaming and waving their hands in the air instead of doing something constructive and reasonable (or at the very least somewhat slightly thought-out), it is important to use the proper terminology. Here are some panic-inducing lurking-demonic-bogey-man phrases American leaders have found helpful in their quest to channel the milling populace to their will through the decades. Sprinkle them freely throughout your written or verbal exchanges, and then stand back so you won't be trampled by the ensuing horde of screaming, arm-waving nitwits...nitwits you may then command to do your bidding, so long as you're loud enough and they don't stop to think too much.  MORE Mojo! »

...Especially to Karen Moy, writer of the Mary Worth comic strip, for a full year of entertainment right up to the very end. Because nothing says "Christmas" to Mojo like "child abduction", which is what Mary is dealing with right at the moment! Or, rather, she is dealing with a bureaucratic police dispatcher who is demanding Mary's life story before they decide whether or not to send the police around to check out Mary's allegations that she's seen the child in question at a diner getting free ice cream.

Mary Worth has been so awesomely entertaining this year, and we have the fun and all-around good sport Karen Moy, serial strip writer extraordinaire, to thank. Who not only started up the Mary Worth Merch Shop on Cafepress, but who also very recently added a sly boots self-reference that warmed Mojo's cynical and cracked heart-cockles like nobody's bidness:

Hah! Ya gotta love it, Mojo sez! REALLY!

A Mary Worth Christmas to everyone! Even to those Scrooges who don't like the old biddy!

Mojo

So Mojo's busy working, doing Real Life things, and yet thinking to herself, in her artless Mojo fashion, should she write one last blog post right before Christmas, wishing her many fans--all three of 'em--the happiest and most joyous holiday season and coming new year of their very LIVES? Or should I just ignore them, which is more in keeping with Mojo's character and proclivities?

While I pondered this, my Simpsonizer random quote doohicky there in the upper left made the decision for me, by offering up one of my most favoritest quotes by none other than Mojo's role model, Charles Montgomery Burns. So I offer it to you, in the spirit of the holidays, and wish everyone a pleasant Festivus, or whatever you wish to celebrate. (And casually remind you that Mojo accepts gifts YEAR ROUND, in case you were wondering.)

"I'll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."

Mojo

Here we see a still from Mojo's animated Christmas card, Christmas Squid--yes, Mojo is crass enough to remind you to go see it again and again, and tell yer friends--because I just wanted to point out that when I was a kid, Christmas always meant Aunt Mary was visiting, and Aunt Mary was perhaps my favorite relative EVER beyond my immediate family (and sometimes before, depending on what awful, awful things my siblings might have done at the moment).

Aunt Mary was entirely predictable in that every year for as long as I knew her, she gave us two dollars for our birthday--tucked in a birthday card--and five dollars for Christmas. This NEVER CHANGED. They were AMERICAN dollars, too, so Aunt Mary, who lived in Canada, had to make a special trip to the bank to get the loot for her beloved little Mojo.  MORE Mojo! »

If you've ever wondered how Mojo became the enchanting and bewitching lass that she has become, wonder no more.

The only immediate family member from Mojo's youth to escape this seasonal wrath was her Favorite Younger Sister, who is represented via proxy. That's because Mojo did not have any decent pictures of her handy, and those I found on the internet tended to be crowd shots of her as a single face in a sea of faces. Because that's the sort of questionable life she leads. Not that Mojo judges. Not to her face, anyway.  MORE Mojo! »

So living out in the sticks, there's not too many ways to get from here to there. So Mojo oftentimes finds herself on the same road, several times a week, and, being Mojo, feels the need to observe and pass judgment on everything she, uh, passes.

There's this house that's been for sale for, like, forever, and about a year or so ago the homeowner apparently decided the Very Thing needed to make things happen in the sales department was to spruce up their property's Curb Appeal. He or she also decided it would make a swell DIY project. Mojo herself is a confirmed do-it-yerselfer, so she can have pity here, but their weekend spruce-up project--of putting up four sections of fence, two on each side of the driveway, like a little gate--took them about six months to complete. The posts alone---six of them, three on each side--stood bare in the ground for at least four of those months. Again, Mojo, procrastinator extraordinaire, does not judge.

However.  MORE Mojo! »