Like, say, Cool Whip. Usually I refrain from mentioning a specific product unless they do something entirely egregious (*ahem*, Axe commercials), but Cool Whip belongs on that short list because I believe it is one of the nastiest chemical substances I have ever encountered. Is there the slightest bit of "natural" in this product? I think not. Wired Magazine refers to its primary ingredients--only somewhat tongue in cheek--as a "delicious blend of sugar, wax, and condom lube".

Even Twinkies--at least they used to; can't say I know much about them nowadays--used LARD in their filling. Yep, Twinkies cream was essentially sugar and lard, whipped together. Cool Whip can't even claim that. Seeing how you can get real sweetened whipped cream in a can, why would ANYONE stain a perfectly good dessert with Cool Whip? I just don't get it.  MORE Mojo! »

...at least, lately....

So The Simpsons decided to honor a Certain Fan who has recently died by replaying an old chestnut, the video of "Do the Bartman". Mojo neither likes nor dislikes the Bartman; when it first came out it just sort of looked to me like one of many cashing-in opportunities. It wasn't until later that a Certain Fan's involvement was admitted, due to exclusivity legality issues, but it's pretty obvious, especially since the Certain Fan was also doing a guest spot on the show. Which was also uncredited, again because of legal stuff, although as Lisa Simpson says, "Of course they didn't use their real names, but you could tell it was them."

Anyway, I can take or leave "Do the Bartman", but one thing has always, always, ALWAYS bothered me about it. This one thing is just wrong, wrong, wrong. And that is, during the first chorus dancing (on the school stage), it portrays series Poindexter Martin Prince doing pelvic thrusts.

That's the sort of thing that gives Mojo nightmares.

Mojo

*yawn*.

Afghanistan? Iraq?

Ho-hum.

Neda Agha-Soltan? Ed McMahon? Farrah Fawcett?

Awww, poor things. RIP.

Michael Jackson?

AHHHH!!!! trample trample scuffle AHHHHH!!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!  MORE Mojo! »

or, in other words, Don't Get Mojo Mad At You. Because if you cheese her off badly enough, it will be FOR KEEPS.

1. Mojo will never forgive CBS for canceling Frank's Place.

2. Mojo will never forgive some "Mass Communications 101" class she was made to take in college that made her read Dan Rather's The Camera Never Blinks. Complete with the picture of Dan Rather on the cover with his shirt unbuttoned and his tie askew and his suit coat thrown over his shoulder. And that's before Mojo even had to open the book; it went south from there pretty darn quick.  MORE Mojo! »

...now made even funner!

...well, at least *I* thought so. YMMV.

This is straight from an acquaintance of mine, someone I pretty much trust, so I'm quite sure it's true. Ages ago this person went through a rough patch--lost his job, messy divorce, started drinking, all that fun stuff--and he had to sell his house since he could no longer afford to live there. And in the interim some barfly "buddy" of his hooked him up with a couple of white trash tenants who needed a place to live "for a few days" who agreed to rent the place until it sold. And by "white trash" I mean a married couple, with the henpecked guy working all day long and a rather unpleasant woman sitting around in a housecoat and curlers, smoking cigarettes and screaming fishwiferies at her "stories" on the television.

And, as one might expect from white trash tenants with a drunken nothing-left-to-live-for landlord, they decided pretty early on in their tenancy to not bother to pay the agreed-upon rent. As in, um, NEVER. And once they were installed in the house they became even more loudly abusive, if that may be believed. And started doing other charming things, like lock the doors and scream obscenities and insults at the real estate agents and prospective buyers when they would stop by to attempt to view the property. And as the "few days" moved into weeks, it became increasingly obvious, even to my drunken-stupor friend, that they were NOT going to be moving out of their own accord.  MORE Mojo! »

...but first, I made another lolcat starring Ratty....

(oh, and co-starring my Eight-Year-Old Friend's board game....)

As much as Mojo likes to pretend she's on top of things and totally, uh, "hep", the sad, sorry fact is, she's pretty clueless and tends to receive much of her information well after the fact. Like from my Favorite Mother. You just KNOW when your mother is talking about stuff from the internet it means the rest of the world jumped on the cluetrain about a year ago--okay, Mom, so it's not that bad; I keed, I keed--so when you first hear of something because your mother is discussing it in a knowledgeable fashion Mojo sez it's time to face the Cold Hard Facts and admit that Mojo Isn't As Brilliant Sometimes As She Is Oh-So-Certain She Is.

But today I can scream Triumph--of a personal nature, not of a rubber dog puppet nature--for I am officially on the Cutting Edge. Through the back door, perhaps, but hey, Mojo is not so proud that she will not clutch desperately at the straws swirling about her drowning head.  MORE Mojo! »

...keeping it brief and to the point. This is for any group of people who must occasionally share resources and real estate, despite the fact that most humans are selfish pigs who only think of themselves.

Q: Would it absolutely KILL you to refill the ice cube tray after you take all the ice cubes? I mean, SERIOUSLY? Takes all of THIRTY SECONDS. Plus it generally means that YOU TOO can enjoy ice cubes when you want them. Unless, of course, you happen to be trapped with selfish pigs who use up all the ice and don't bother to refill the trays. Then you're screwed.

Next topic: Will it really KILL you to replace the toilet paper rolls when the holder runs out? There's STACKS AND STACKS of rolls sitting there on the tank. There's a little button you press to open up the holder. It's really NO BIG DEAL. What, you ENJOY trying to twist yourself around 180 degrees when you require paper? Oh, well, never mind, then. FORGIVE me for bothering you. Jerk.

Mojo